


do you still believe in fate?

by Javrt



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Gotham (TV)
Genre: Arkham games inspired, Canon Disabled Character, Drinking, Future Fic, Honestly only loosely based on Gotham, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Oswald surrounds himself with men the same way he does with women in the comics, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Trans Male Character, Trans Oswald Cobblepot, trans character written by a trans author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2019-09-30 21:33:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17231582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Javrt/pseuds/Javrt
Summary: "We have a deal then?" Ed held out a gloved hand. Oswald sighed, dropping his shoulders. He took Ed's hand in his own, shaking on it."We have a deal."Ed pulled back and clasped his hands together giddily. "Oh, Oswald. This is going to be so muchfun.”Set seven years in the future, Ed and his henchwomen need Oswald's help.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based seven years after the events of Gotham, but really only loosely based on the canon of the show. Especially since it was started before the finale aired. This is my first fanfiction since I was 12 or something so please take it easy on me lmao. Comments are appreciated!

The recreation room of Arkham Asylum was even roudier than usual today. Groups of patients played cards and board games with each other, while others sat by themselves, simply reading or watching television. Oswald could hear the familiar voices of the Joker and Poison Ivy arguing over which channel to watch, immediately followed by guards telling them to shut up or go back to their rooms.

 _Lovely,_ Oswald thought to himself, tapping his nails on the table. He had been sitting by himself for a while now, people-watching and trying to think up a way out of the hellhole that was Arkham. Security had gotten tighter since the Batman showed up in town seven years ago - not that that stopped many of the inmates from escaping. But Oswald was stuck here for now, waiting for his opportunity to make a break for it. It was odd, and quite frankly _insulting_ that none of his men had bothered to bail him out yet. But he'd deal with them later. Oswald broke his gaze away from the potted plant he had been absentmindedly staring at, and leaned back in his chair. Sighing, he closed his eyes. He was in dire need of a nap, he realized, and this wooden chair somehow felt more comfortable than his cell's cot right now. Sounds of laughing and arguing around him began to fade away as he slipped away with his head propped up in his hands.

 _Lousy henchmen,_ He thought. _I'll have them all killed next chance I get._

He was just nearly asleep, head dropping to the table, when the Asylum's shrill security alarms went off. He jumped in his seat, almost hitting himself in the face. The alarms echoed through the whole building, causing many patients to try and take cover from the commotion. Guards ran around frantically, trying to coral everyone to one spot. Oswald saw his chance, and took the opportunity to slip away into the crowd. He dragged himself to the locked chain fence guarding the front of the main door. No way around or over it, he noted - not that his leg would allow anything that agile in the first place. He cursed quietly, finding the lock to the fence and fiddling with it best he could. The alarms continued to blare, when Oswald looked up to see the door behind the fence opening. Oswald grabbed a lamp off a nearby side table, arming himself with what of _course_ had to be the most ridiculous option available.

"Hello, Penguin," a blonde woman in a police hat and green leotard stood in the door, waving nonchalantly. Another woman hung off her shoulder, wearing a matching outfit and sporting a black pixie cut. Oswald didn't recognize them, but the black question marks on their chests told him exactly who sent them here.

_What on Earth could Ed want?_

"Let's get out of here." The blonde woman approached him. She picked the lock to the gate, and quickly grabbed Oswald by the arm, pulling him through the exit. Her grip was tighter than he had been expecting. The black-haired woman led the way, and they followed. Oswald limped as fast as he could, but it didn't stop him from still being practically dragged out into the hospital lobby.

"I don't suppose, ow-" Oswald said, nearly tripping over a notch in the floor. "You're going to tell me who you are, and what the hell you think you're doing grabbing me like that?"

They stopped suddenly, and Oswald nearly crashed into her back.

"Shit," the blonde woman groaned. Two guards stood in the center of the room, guns pointed directly at them. She flung Oswald to the side, and the other henchwoman caught him before he could fall. He pulled away quickly in offense.

"Hey, hey, no need to get your guns out - I'm Query, and this is Echo. We don't wanna hurt nobody." The blonde woman - Query - held her hands up in surrender, and slowly began walking towards one of the guards. "No weapons, see?" She spun around to prove her point.

The guards still looked confused, but seemed to relax a little.

"Just keep your hands where we can see them," the female guard instructed shakily.

Oswald was growing impatient. He broke away from the other woman - Echo - and yelled at the guards for their attention. They went into high alert mode again, swinging to aim their pistols at Oswald. Two gunshots rang out, and Oswald dove for cover behind Echo. Thudding sounds followed the shots. The guards were face down on the floor with bullet wounds in their foreheads. Oswald slowly stood up, glancing around the room cautiously.

"Don't worry, they're dealt with." Query said, sighing in annoyance. Echo put her pistol back in a concealed part of her belt.

"It's really a shame," Echo said disappointedly, sticking her bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout. "That redhead lady was cute."

Oswald was practically fuming now.

"What the hell was that?" He spat at them, dragging himself over to Echo. She sat crouched by the male guard, taking spare weapons off his body. She slowly stood up and turned to Oswald, scowling as she reloaded her gun.

" 'Gee, Echo, thanks for saving my ass back there!' " She mocked in her best Penguin impression. Oswald tensed at the unmistakable feeling of a gun barrel jabbed into his lower back. He could feel Query standing behind him, pushing him forward. "No problem, Pengy! Just here to do my job! Now start walking. Eddie wants you unharmed, but it's not our problem if we have to shoot you."

Oswald clenched his jaw, but did as he was told. As much as he hated to admit it, this was his quickest way out of Arkham, and he hadn't come this far just to miss his chance. He smiled up at Query condescendingly.

"Lead the way then, my dears."

Echo shoved him forward again, and Query began guiding them out the nearest exit. By the time they got outside, it was dark overhead. Parked by the gates out front was the promised getaway car, headlights on full blast. Purple light illuminated everything in its path. The vehicle had obviously once been a police car, painted green and adorned with black question marks on the doors.

 _Subtle,_ Oswald thought. _A Riddler-mobile._

The passenger door pushed open, legs swinging out onto the ground beside them. Edward stepped onto the ground, dressed in his usual emerald suit and purple mask. Light reflected off his entire outfit. _Very_ subtle.

He stood for a moment, posed with one arm bent, hand resting on his chest, and the other behind his back. From behind him, he pulled out his bowler hat, and placed it on his head with a flourish. He flashed a grin, and came towards them in long strides.

"Oswald, my dear old friend!" He called, arms outstretched. "It's been far too long, hasn't it?"

He stopped directly in front of Oswald, looking him up and down. His eyes lingered just too long for comfort. Overwhelmed, Oswald resisted the urge to punch the ridiculous grin off his face - but Echo still had a tight grip on his arm.

"It certainly has," he smiled dryly. "Far too long. But something tells me this isn't about wanting to see me, is it?"

Ed smirked, and opened the side door for him, bowing slightly and motioning for him to enter the car. Always the gentleman. The four settled into the rickety old car, with Echo and Query up front, and Ed seated beside Oswald in the back.

"This is big, Oswald. I'd say it's almost too brilliant for you to comprehend, but I need you to try anyways." Ed trailed on, buckling himself in. Oswald snorted.

Batman's arrival in Gotham certainly had had an interesting effect on Ed's ever-inflating narcissism. He seemed to need three times the validation that he had in the past, leading to an influx in crimes set up specifically for Batman. It was odd, how Ed needed Oswald's approval for so long, but woke up one day deciding he needed Batman's instead. A part of him almost felt jealous. Almost.

"Of course you remember last year's grand opening of the Gotham museum?" Ed continued.

"Obviously," Oswald said, fixing his hair in the the rear-view mirror. "I own the place."

Ed frowned. "Yes. Well, then you'll remember how he _humiliated_ me in front of half the city's population that night. I don't even know how he knew to find me there!" He continued grumbling, more to himself than Oswald now.

Oswald's loud sigh seemed to get his attention again.

"Which is why," Ed turned face to face with Oswald. "I want you to help me get revenge on him." Oswald couldn't contain a laugh at that.

"You attempt to rob my museum over a year ago - which I have been incredibly lenient about, by the way - and now you want me to help kill the man who stopped you? I'll pass, Eddie."

"Ah, not kill!" Ed corrected, holding up a finger. "Better than kill. I want to unmask him. Take down his career. So none of us will have to worry about him anymore."

"And why choose me for this?" Oswald asked.

"I trust you, Oswald. We've had our differences, but ultimately - I trust you." Oswald raised an eyebrow. "And of course the fact that you have countless safe houses throughout Gotham and Blüdhaven, and plenty of hired muscle. That's a bonus."

Oswald rolled his eyes. He turned away towards the window, trying to ignore Ed. He just wanted to go home.

"It wouldn't be without pay, of course," Ed continued, oblivious to Oswald's disinterest. That man did not give up easily. "We can rob a few banks afterwards and split the money between the four of us. Not to mention, I have information on what Batman knows about you, Oswald."

Oswald turned back to him. If anyone had the guts to dig past Penguin's honest business owner facade (or, as honest as one can be after being committed to Arkham for murder more than once - but hell, this was Gotham) he kept up with nowadays, it would be the Batman. Too big of a scandal and he could lose everything while his empire was at its peak. If Ed knew anything about what Batman was planning, Oswald needed it. Ed must have noticed the change in Oswald's demeanor, because a toothy grin was plastered across his face. Damn it. If there was one person on earth Oswald couldn't say no to, it was Edward Nygma.

"We have a deal then?" Ed held out a gloved hand. Oswald sighed, dropping his shoulders. He took Ed's hand in his own firmly, and shaking on it.

"We have a deal."

Ed pulled back and clasped his hands together giddily. "Oh, Oswald. This is going to be so much _fun_. It's been so long since we've worked together."

Oswald forced a smile. It certainly had been, and Oswald had been hoping they'd keep it that way. He wasn't sure how long they could last around each other before disaster struck. Echo interrupted his train of thought, shouting from the front seat.

"We're here." She said, car lurching to a screeching halt.

Oswald didn't know a lot about cars (he didn't even drive his own), but the sounds this car made could not be normal. It was probably a miracle it made it here in one piece. Ed pushed open the door on his side, and made sure to drag Oswald by the arm out with him. Oswald grunted in protest, but followed anyways. Somewhere in the forests outside Gotham, they were parked by an old house, long abandoned, with half burned out neon lights hanging out front. Bright green graffiti covered most of the building, question marks and math equations spray painted in various places. The place was a disaster.

"When you said you needed a different safe house you weren't kidding," Oswald laughed to himself. Query and Echo ignored him. Ed shot him an angry glare, pursing his lips. It was going to be a long night.

 

* * *

 

"I've already started working on a plan. The only pieces I need are the ones _you_ are going to provide us."

Ed stood in front of a large white board, drawing out diagrams in green marker. Query sat in Echo's lap, playing with her hair. Neither of them seemed to be paying attention. The two giggled as Echo stole a surprise kiss, and pulled the other closer. Oswald felt like he was about to spontaneously combust. He had been listening carefully, trying to think three steps ahead. There had to be a way to work this to his own advantage, make it all worth it in the end. But between Ed's ego and his grossly in love henchwomen, he started to doubt he could last another day here. 

Oswald cleared his throat. Ed stopped talking and looked up at him, slightly annoyed.

"Oswald?" He said.

"Since it seems I have no choice in the matter, I suppose I'll help you out with your plan," Oswald said.

Ed nodded. "Yes, you were going to have to do that anyways. Now can I please-"

"On the condition you let me return to my lounge, instead of staying here in this dump."

"Great idea, Oswald! We can all use the Iceberg Lounge as a hideout. Batman won't suspect me to be staying there."

Ed quickly doodled a diagram of the Iceberg Lounge on his board.

"You know that's not what I meant." Oswald scowled.

Ed pretended not to hear him. _Idiot._

"We'll head out first thing tomorrow morning." Ed capped his marker and draped a sheet over the whiteboard. He turned to Query and Echo. "Get some rest you two. Big plans tomorrow."

Echo shook Query, who was about to drift off draped around Echo's shoulder. They headed towards their room together, Echo planting a kiss on Query's head as they walked away. Ed began tidying up his area, rolling the whiteboard into the far corner of the room. He stopped when he noticed Oswald staring at him.

"Great girls, huh?" Ed asked, smiling fondly. "They've been such a helpful addition around here."

"I'd have to disagree," Oswald scowled, leaning back into the loveseat he was sitting on. "But I am curious as to where you found them."

"Pandora's Box." Ed said rather proudly, sitting down beside Oswald. He kicked off his shoes and propped his long legs up on a stray wooden crate.

"Pandora's Box?" Oswald stifled a laugh. "What on Earth were you doing at a BDSM club, Edward?"

Ed's face flushed. "Looking for hired help. Obviously. Keep up, Oswald." Oswald snorted.

"Your bed is upstairs in my room," Ed finally said. "We should get some sleep, too."

Oswald turned to look at Ed, frowning. They hadn't shared a room since they first met. Sitting on the far ends of this couch was close enough already.

"A generous offer. But I believe I'll be content sleeping out here on the couch."

"Oh - of course," Ed nodded and stood up. He smiled, but a disappointed look still crossed his face. "I'll bring you a pillow and blanket, then."

 

* * *

 

The drive to the Iceberg Lounge the next day was long and awkward. Refusing to return to work dressed in his Arkham uniform, Oswald had reluctantly borrowed a suit from Ed. It was about two sizes too big, and Oswald _hated_ green.

In the back of the car, Ed and Oswald were seated beside each other. It was still early enough in the morning that Ed had drifted off to sleep again. Oswald only wished he could be that content right now. But with much more important things to do, he needed to think. The sooner he came up with something, the sooner he could escape these three lunatics. Was one quiet night in his lounge really too much to ask for these days?

Oswald sighed, and rested his chin in his hand as he stared out the window. The world outside passed by in a blur; unfamiliar routes of the city only Gotham's most experienced criminals knew where to find. He heard Ed, still next to him, exhale, and roll over in his sleep. His new position pressed his back firmly against Oswald's, legs and arms folded into a fetal position. His body was warm, and Ed seemed to relax into the touch. Like this, Oswald couldn't move without waking him. As a first instinct, he considered waking him up - but what was the last time he had heard Ed this quiet? A couple more minutes without him blabbering might be worth it.

Oswald felt ridiculous, sitting back to back like this, and prayed Query and Echo didn't bother turning to look through the screen that separated their seats. Ed let out a content sigh that Oswald could feel through his whole body, and he tensed again. Oswald leaned his head against the window in frustration. They were still a ways away from their destination, and now Oswald couldn't even sit comfortably. Ed made a small noise in his sleep, and Oswald's chest fluttered slightly at the sound. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, trying to suppress the momentary butterflies.

 _Not now,_ He scolded himself. _You have much bigger things to think about right now._

But with his head supported by the vibrating window, and Ed's steady breathing against him, he somehow slipped away before even realizing he was tired.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so much longer than the first one, I'll hopefully find a good length to stick to soon. Feedback is always appreciated ♥

The stopping car seemed to be what woke Oswald up. He noticed the drying drool pooled against his cheek, and wiped it away with one of his over sized green sleeves. Lazily opening his eyes, he looked up to see Ed grinning down at him.  
  
"Good morning, sleepyhead."  
  
Oswald groaned and sat up. Query opened the side door for them, and Oswald quickly scrambled around Ed to get out. It was midday now, sunlight just barely poking through the smog above them. The lounge was closed at this time of day, but there were groups of cars parked outside belonging to the employees. How Oswald managed to keep this place in such good condition even while in Arkham was still a riddle to Ed. He stood next to Oswald, staring at the outside of the club. It seemed to be more magnificent every time he visited, with large pillars holding up the patio roof and a lavish staircase up to the front doors. Squawking could be heard from around back, belonging to the aviaries and penguin habitats Oswald kept. Ed made a mental note to check that out as soon as possible.  
  
"Shall we go in?" Ed said, offering Oswald a hooked arm, an enthusiastic invitation to walk him inside.  
  
Oswald rolled his eyes and headed for the door by himself. Disappointed but not deterred, Ed followed behind him closely. He motioned for Query and Echo to do the same.  
  
The inside of the lounge was as empty as expected. A few employees cleaned tables while others moved chairs around. They all stood up a little straighter when the doors opened and Oswald entered. Oswald let out a sigh of relief, seemingly happy to be home.  
  
The bartender, polishing a shot glass, looked up as the group entered the building. He was tall, slender, and boyishly handsome, with short messy black curls and thick rimmed glasses. His face lit up seeing Oswald, and he darted out from behind the counter up to him.  
  
"Mr. Cobblepot! I didn't think you'd be back so soon, I'm sorry, it's a mess right now-"  
  
Oswald waved his hand in front of the young man's face, silencing him. His eyes widened behind his glasses. Oswald then moved to the man's curls, combing them back with his fingers. Ed glanced to Query and Echo. They shrugged. Ed had often heard of Oswald's escorts, but actually seeing it here in front of him was an entirely different story. It was actually rather repulsive.  
  
"Bernard, my darling,"  Oswald slid both his hands down to rest on the young man's - Bernard, apparently - chest, straightening his lapels. "Don't worry about it. I'm back now. For good."    
  
He punctuated his sentence by standing on his toes and pressing a kiss to the corner of Bernard's mouth. A free hand gradually started to wander, now dangerously close to Bernard's backside. Query bit her finger to hold in a laugh when Ed loudly cleared his throat in annoyance. He could feel his face turning red, but he didn't care.  
  
Oswald, calm as ever, craned his head backwards to look at them, smiling.  
  
"Of course," He spun around and leaned his weight onto the nearby bar stool. He gently hit his palm to his forehead, exaggerating his own obliviousness. "Where are my manners? This is Bernard, my bartender. Bernard, these are my... associates."  
  
Bernard, whose face was still flushed, nodded and held out a shaking hand to Ed. "It's an honor, Mr. Riddler, sir, a real honor."  
  
Ed reluctantly returned the handshake, but not without glaring at him sharply. Ed's brilliant mind was rarely wrong, and right now, his intuition was telling him to distrust this man. Bernard moved to shake Query and Echo's hands as well, but Oswald prevented it by ushering him away.  
  
"You're dismissed, Bernard," Oswald took Bernard's apron off for him and placed it on the bar behind them. He looked him up and down, lips pursed.  
  
"Go file any new paperwork in the back room." He reached out to run the back of his hand down Bernard's arm. "I'll check up on you later."  
  
Bernard nodded and did as he was told, hurriedly running off in the opposite direction. Oswald turned on his heels back to face the others, smiling proudly.  
  
"Jesus Christ," Echo laughed under her breath, leaning over to Ed. "And he complained about me and Query?"  
  
If Oswald heard her, he pretended not to.  
  
"Now that we're all here," Oswald sat himself down on the bar stool he had been leaning against. "Anything else we should go over before I return to running my lounge?"  
  
Ed, now thoroughly confused and frustrated, sat down on the stool next to him.  
  
"Of... of course," He limply pointed in the direction Bernard had headed. "As long as he's out of earshot."  
  
"Oh, Bernard? Don't worry about him, he's as clueless as he is handsome," Oswald laughed, placing a hand fondly over his heart. "I just keep him around for fun."  
  
Ed grimaced at that. Oswald keeping around a younger man for "fun" was not an image he needed plaguing him right now. His chest grew tight at the thought, and he quickly buried it.  
  
"Noted. Thank you. Yes, we have a _wonderfully_ extravagant plan. Echo, if you don't mind."  
  
Echo pulled a blueprint out of her duffel bag and laid it across the bar.  
  
"We set it in motion tomorrow night." She said, grabbing a few nearby salt and pepper shakers to use as paperweights.  
  
Ed ran through the details, trying to keep Oswald engaged. His efforts seemed in vain, however, as Oswald continued to lose focus the longer he talked. His eyes shifted frequently, usually towards the back of the lounge where Bernard had headed. Absolutely none of this went unnoticed to Ed and his high attention to detail. It was rather distracting. And since now he could only pay attention to Oswald's utter incompetence, he decided it was time to halt the meeting.  
  
"Well. Hopefully that's a thorough enough explanation for you, Oswald. We can finish later if need be. I need a drink."  
  
Query laughed, "Eddie, it's only 3 in the afternoon-"  
  
Ed ignored her, already pulling out a wine glass from behind the counter.  
  
"Great," Oswald stood, using the bar counter as leverage to push himself up.  "I'll meet up with you all later. If you'll excuse me, I have... paperwork to attend to. Bernard will be waiting on me."  
  
Oswald adjusted his over sized tie and headed for the back offices. The door locked loudly as soon as he was out of view.  
  
Query and Echo shared a glance before they burst out laughing.  
  
"God, I feel like I'm the background character of a porno." Query said.  
  
Ed shushed them. He was too livid to put up with immaturity right now. His eyes bore into the door Oswald had disappeared through, peering over the rim of his wine glass. His stomach knotted. Of course Oswald was going to be distracted during the most important mission of his life. How could he possibly have expected anything less?  
  
Their relationship was muddled, he knew, especially within the past couple years. Batman had changed things in this town. New threats, criminals, and alliances. All the more reason to stick close to an old friend like Oswald, even if he knew it could never be what it used to. Oswald didn't even seem to return any sort of nostalgic feelings Ed had been so sure he would.  He had genuinely missed Oswald, broke him out of Arkham, and _this_ is what he got in return for it?  
  
Ed's thoughts were cut short when he felt a hand on his shoulder, nearly causing him to nearly spit out his drink. Echo pulled back quickly, apologizing.  
  
"Sorry, Eddie, just wanted to make sure you were alright."  
  
Ed nodded, taking a deep breath and exhaling.  "Yes. Yes, of course. Just nervous. This is a big deal for me, after all."  
  
Echo smiled warmly, placing her hand on the small of his back before Query dragged her away.  
  
Ed was on his feet for the rest of the day; doodling in bright green marker, writing out new, clever riddles for the police, and obsessively organizing his blueprints. Staying busy kept his mind occupied, and keeping occupied meant less time to worry about Oswald. Eventually, he ran out of personal things to work on, and decided to keep himself busy cleaning up around the Iceberg Lounge. He was in the middle of alphabetically ordering the lounge's booze display when Oswald's voice startled him, nearly causing him to drop a bottle of something particularly expensive.  
  
"Staying busy, I see." Oswald said, an obvious smile in his tone.  
  
"You're awfully chipper," Ed lowered the bottle he was holding, and remained facing away from Oswald. He could practically feel the afterglow from across the room. "I assumed you were still trying to find a way out of this."  
  
He heard Oswald pull up a stool and sit down at the bar.  
  
"Well, I figure, I'm here anyways. Might as well make the most of it. And besides, how often do I get out anymore? The lounge becomes so dull after working here for too long." He mumbled the last part more to himself than Ed, then perked up again. "Edward, be a dear and pour me a drink, would you?"  
  
Ed spun around and froze, getting his first good look at Oswald since earlier today. He had changed out of his green suit and back into one of his own suits - a fitted violet jacket over top a waistcoat. His monocle was in place over his right eye, and his hair was styled up, feathered and streaked purple, making him look even more like a penguin than usual. He had gained a good amount of weight since the last time they saw each other, Ed noticed - a detail that had slipped by him before. It suited him.  
  
Ed looked him up and down with just his eyes, and forced a dry smile.  
  
"Of course," Avoiding looking Oswald in the face, he slammed a glass on the counter and poured him a generous amount of wine from the bottle he had been holding. "Enjoy."  
  
"Is something wrong, Ed?" Oswald asked.  
  
Funny. He almost seemed genuinely concerned for someone trying to sabotage him.  
  
"I know, we don't have the best relationship, but you can still always come to me about anything-"  
  
"I'm feeling wonderful, thank you, Oswald." Ed cut him off quickly.  
  
Oswald eyed him suspiciously, but accepted the response.  
  
"Right. Right, well - would you care to finish explaining that plan of ours to me? We've got time before bed. I want to be prepared."  
  
Ed's eyes lit up at the mention of that, any previous resentment he held melting away. Ed was always eager to share his thoughts, especially on the rare occasion that the person listening would actually understand him. Enthusiastically coming around to the front of the bar and seating himself next to Oswald, Ed poured himself his own drink, and the two began to talk.  
  
The tension between them at first was obvious. There was no reason they should be on speaking terms, though clearly neither of them were about to address that. Ed knew he wasn't. After all, bringing Oswald along was his idea in the first place. But Oswald did his best to listen and engage, and Ed appreciated the effort. They both continued to down glass of wine after glass of wine - a normal habit for Oswald, but Ed rarely drank, and the alcohol hit him hard after their first bottle. The drinks eventually eased some of the tension between them, making everything much less awkward. It was almost working too well, Ed thought, as their conversations trailed off topic and into talk of personal affairs. They caught up with each other, being apart for so long had changed a lot in their lives. They discussed art, music, Ed's heists and Oswald's museum. Ed even convinced Oswald to play a quick Gotham rogue-themed riddle game with him. Ed was beginning to feel comfortable here, and the more he drank the more intense it got. He couldn't remember the last time he had spoken like this to Oswald - to _anyone_ , for that matter - but it was as familiar and easy as it had been so many years ago, sitting in their mansion together. Oswald's interest in him tonight seemed genuine. His chest grew warmer - from the wine or nostalgia, he couldn't tell.  
  
"No, no, Oswald, please, at least _try_ to answer this one-" Ed giggled, adjusting his glasses that sat askew on his nose.  
  
Oswald hung his head in defeat and laughed sharply. "Fine! Fine, just ask me again, I forgot it." He sighed in mock annoyance.  
  
"Riddle me this: My first two letters say my name. My last letter asks a question. Those I embrace, I destroy. Who am I?"  
  
Ed spoke with his hands, punctuating each sentence with some sort of theatrical motion. Oswald repeated the riddle to himself under his breath a few times, mulling it over, then sat up straight and lightly slapped his hand down on Ed's knee.  
  
"Ivy! Poison Ivy!" He shouted triumphantly.  
  
"Right again!" Ed said, beaming, and taking a moment to glance down at the hand removing itself from his leg.  
  
"I just can't stump you, Oswald," Ed tore his eyes away from Oswald's hand to look back up into his face. His freckles were showing through his foundation, Ed noticed. They had always been a favorite detail of his. He considered saying something about it, but didn't want to risk Oswald covering them back up. "See? This is why I keep you around. It's not every day I get to speak to an intellectual like myself."  
  
"You keep me around?" Oswald asked sarcastically. "This is the first time I've seen you in over a year, Edward. A visit or two would have been nice."  
  
A grin tugged at the corners of Ed's mouth. "Well, well, Oswald. If I had known you felt that way, I would have certainly come around more often."  
  
Oswald smiled back at him, tapping his polished fingernails on the marble counter top. Ed knew the wine was the only thing compelling him to speak so openly, lightweight that he was, but he couldn't care right now - not with Oswald looking at him like that.   
  
"Why, I believe the last time we saw each other, I had just saved you from getting that pretty head of yours smashed in by Harley Quinn's mallet," Oswald said, scooting his stool closer with a screech against the wooden floor.    
  
"Yes," Ed said. "I suppose I never properly thanked you for that."  
  
Oswald scoffed and waved his hand dismissively. "No need, Edward. What are friends for?"    
  
_Friends?_   That struck something painful in Ed's chest. Deep down, he knew he still needed Oswald's approval more than anyone's. Not even pursuing Batman could make up for it after a while. He had missed this attention more than he cared to admit.  
  
Why Oswald's change in attitude towards their team up had happened so suddenly, Ed still couldn't understand. He would keep his guard up, of course, but right now, all that mattered was Oswald and him - laughing, drinking, talking - just like old times. Ed hadn't even realize how badly he needed this.  
  
"Are you two _still_ up?" Ed was shaken from his thoughts by the sudden sound of Echo's voice, standing in an open doorway and scolding them. Query stood with her.  
  
"I could ask you the same thing," Ed said. "It's nearly two. You should get some sleep soon."  
  
"Fine, Eddie. Just make sure you do too." Echo said. "And I'm happy to see you two finally getting along."  
  
Query took her police hat off and playfully threw it at Ed before they headed off to their suite. His coordination off, Ed completely missed while trying to catch the hat in the air. It hit the ground beside Oswald, who let out a cackle. Ed joined him, unsure of what was so funny, yet unable to stop.  
  
"God, I'm drunk," Ed managed between breathes. He put the police hat on his own head and struck a pose.  
  
Oswald snorted. "It suits you, really."  
  
"You flatter me." Ed grinned. He propped his head up on his hand, elbow resting on the counter. He looked up through his eyelashes at Oswald, and Oswald plucked the police hat off his head. He examined it a moment, then set it beside them on the bar.  
  
"We really should get to bed." Ed said.  "But.. I don't believe I've been informed of where I'll be sleeping. Care to escort me, Mr. Penguin?"  
  
"Oh, you expected me to give you a room?" Oswald teased, standing and offering Ed a hand.  
  
Ed hesitated a moment, realizing that Oswald was, indeed, escorting him to his bedroom. He accepted the offer, using Oswald's outstretched hand to pull himself up off his stool. He released his hand as soon as he was standing, making sure not to linger. If Oswald noticed the hesitance, he didn't say anything. He stopped a moment, downed the last of his wine, and led Ed to the upstairs suites.  
  
The first thing Ed noticed about the suite was how extravagantly decorated it was. Shades of purple and gray covered the room, from the bed sheets to the door frames, matching the rest of the lounge. The canopy bed was huge, but perfect for Ed's long frame. An umbrella lamp hung from the center of the ceiling, illuminating everything in a violet glow.  
  
"I hope you'll find yourself comfortable enough in here." Oswald said.  
  
"Absolutely. Thank you, Oswald."  
  
The bed creaked as Ed sat on it. He ran a hand over the top sheet, purple and silky. He took note of the tiny umbrellas embroidered all over it and smiled to himself. He admired someone with an eye for detail. He looked up at Oswald, who was still standing in the door, holding himself up with his cane. Ed patted the mattress next to him, inviting Oswald to join him on the bed.  
  
"It's much comfier over here, you know." Ed said.  
  
Oswald raised an eyebrow and smiled, clumsily making his way over to the bed. He quickly lost his footing, losing his balance and falling forward towards the bed. Ed reacted, catching him by the elbows before he could hurt himself. His cane hit the floor, and Ed kicked it aside to assure no one tripped over that too.  
  
"Whoa, take it slow there," Ed cautioned, pulling him up.  
  
He helped Oswald to move around him and sit down. He slowly lowered his weight onto the bed, gripping Ed's shoulder as support.  
  
"Are you alright?" Ed asked.  
  
"Yes, I'm fine. Just... tipsier than I realized. Thank you, Edward. That could have been ugly." Oswald laughed and adjusted his monocle.  
  
"Of course," Ed said, his most recent round of wine finally hitting him. His whole body felt hot, and the corners of his lips twitched.  
  
Ed glanced up from the embroidered umbrellas he'd been picking at to meet Oswald's face. He was staring at him with a rather uncharacteristic smile. Sitting this close to each other, Ed noticed a small bit of red wine dripping from the corner of Oswald's lip.  
  
"You've got-" Ed pointed to his own mouth in demonstration. "Wine, there-"  
  
"Here?" Oswald asked, touching his bottom lip.    
  
"No, just- here, I'll do it." Ed pulled a handkerchief from his breast pocket and scooted closer. He took Oswald's jaw in his hand to hold him still.  His eyes were blown wide and locked on Ed. Ed pretended not to notice. He wiped the corner of Oswald's mouth gently, and sat back on the mattress."Got it."  
  
"How embarrassing," Oswald laughed, stroking his face where Ed's hand had just been. "I apologize."  
  
Ed set the handkerchief aside, and shook his head. "No need."  
  
Oswald smiled, and placed his hand over Ed's, resting on the bed beside them. "I've actually enjoyed catching up with you tonight, Edward." He said softly. "I wasn't sure what to expect when you broke me out, but it's been... fun."  
  
"Does that mean you really are gonna help me out with this?" Ed asked, smirking.    
  
Oswald's laugh was a sharp exhale. He took off his monocle carefully, placing it on the bedside table. His lips parted for a moment, as if he were about to say something, then closed again. Neither said anything for a long stretch of silence.  
  
Oswald looked dazed, eyes focused solely on Ed's face, eyelashes practically fluttering. Ed's ears burned pink at the attention. He wanted to say something, but his tongue was heavy, unable to form the words.    
  
The silence was finally broken by Oswald, his voice low.  
  
"Edward," He said. "I missed this."  
  
Had they been sitting this closely the whole time? A gloved hand appeared on his thigh. Ed nearly jumped. His common sense told him to move away, but he was frozen. Oswald's expression was still hazy, pale eyes glazed over and pupils dilated. Ed could smell the red wine on Oswald's breath. He swallowed roughly, watching Oswald's lips.   
  
_This should not be happening,_ Ed thought, unable to break his eyes away from Oswald's mouth. _This should not be happening._  
  
In a spur of instinct, Ed cleared his throat.  
  
"It's... it's so late, Oswald. We should get some rest." He managed, head spinning with adrenaline.  
  
He gently detached Oswald's hand from his leg, resting it on the bed. Oswald seemed to come back to reality at the gesture. His expression hardened, and he jerked his hand from Ed's grasp. Ed's heart sank a little.  
  
"Yes. Of course. Of course, it's late."  Oswald stammered, beginning to stand.  
  
Ed offered him a hand to pull himself up with. Oswald hesitated a moment, but denied the proposal. He picked up his cane and stumbled to the door alone, avoiding eye contact.  
  
"Goodnight, Edward." Oswald spoke with his back to Ed, standing in the doorway. He sounded oddly hurt.   
  
The door shut, and Ed fell back on the bed. He ran a hand though his loosely curling hair - its product was long gone now. He took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing his fingers to his eyelids.

 _I'm drunk,_  He thought. _I'm incredibly drunk._  
  
He set his glasses on the side table and tried to collect himself.  
  
_You're drunk and stupid._  A second voice nagged. _That was almost a kiss, Eddie!_  
  
A kiss? No, absolutely not, Oswald hadn't felt that way about him in years. He was much more occupied with the likes of his escorts - and Ed intended to keep it that way. He didn't know what had just happened, but the scene played on repeat in his mind. He couldn't remember the last time Oswald had looked at him like that. A warmth pooled in the pit of his stomach, chest wound tight with tension.    
  
Ed wrapped himself up in his sheets, as if that would help him avoid his own thoughts. Oswald was an old friend, a business partner - and any feelings from Oswald's side were _not_ his concern.  
  
But then again, this was all his idea in the first place, wasn't it? Ed threw a pillow over his face and groaned into it. This was precisely why he never drank anymore.  

 

* * *

 

Ed woke to sunlight in his face. He opened an eye and saw Query standing at the window, blinds opened.  
  
"Rise and shine, Eddie," She said in a sing-song voice.    
  
Ed's head was pounding, and the sunlight was only worsening the pain. He pulled the blanket up over his face in protest. "Please, for the love of God, close those blinds."  
  
"Eddie, it's almost noon. You should probably get going." Query walked over to the bed and threw the blanket on the ground. Ed groaned.  
  
He shifted, realizing he was still wearing his suit and tie. Had he forgotten to change last night? He sat up and took his glasses off the bedside table, trying to focus his eyes on Query. She sat on the bed, and offered him a couple painkillers and a glass of water.  
  
"Penguin said you might need these." She said.  
  
Ed graciously accepted, and pulled himself up out of bed. Query took his hand and led him downstairs.  
  
The lounge was quiet, save for the few tuxedo-clad men bussing tables and polishing the floors. Ed noticed the lights had been dimmed overhead, and guessed Oswald must've been nursing a hangover as well. He spotted Oswald as he entered, reclining in his throne of a chair that sat at the edge of the room. He was dressed in a velvet suit and top hat, cigarette holder in hand, looking regal as ever. Bernard sat on the arm of the chair, long legs strewn across Oswald's lap and an arm around his shoulder. Oswald's free hand toyed with Bernard's fingers, bringing them to his mouth for a couple brief kisses. Ed's stomach twisted.  
  
"Good morning, Ozzie," Ed called, strolling up to them.  
  
He did his best to appear put together, despite his migraine and unwashed suit.  He tripped over his own feet, but managed to catch himself and lean up against a table.    
  
Oswald laughed, moving Bernard's knuckles away from his lips.  
  
"Edward, making a grand entrance as usual. Bernard was just keeping me company until you got here." He looked up, and waved his hand to shoo Bernard away. "You can get back to work now, Bernard."  
  
"Yes - yes sir, of course, Mr. Cobblepot."  
  
Bernard stood, nodding in respectful acknowledgement towards Ed before awkwardly running off behind the bar. Ed fumed silently, seating himself across from Oswald. Something about that boy did not sit right with him.  
  
"So," Oswald started.  
  
He leaned back against his chair casually, crossing his legs and glaring up at Ed through heavily lined eyes. He still somehow managed to look menacing like this, even with that ridiculous, flashy chair swallowing him whole.  
  
"What's up?"  
  
Ed looked around, making sure Bernard, Query, and Echo were out of earshot.  Satisfied that no one of importance was going to listen in, he leaned towards Oswald and kept his voice hushed.  
  
"Oswald, we need to talk. About last night, I mean. I should apologize, I-"  
  
Oswald calmly held up a hand to silence him.  
  
"Another time, Edward, please. Let's just... focus on today, shall we? Much to be done."  
  
Ed felt an unexplainable pang in his chest. He averted his eyes and nodded in agreement, sitting up straighter.  
  
"Yes. Today. We're following the same course of action, beginning at your museum. We'll just need one of your safe houses."  
  
Oswald took a long draw from his cigarette holder and turned to Ed. "Consider it done." He said.    
  
Ed drew his lips into a tight smile. "Fantastic. I suppose I'll be seeing you tonight then. Au revoir, Oswald."  
  
Ed stood, and Oswald practically jumped out of his seat to reach out towards him.  
  
"Edward, sit! Stay, stay, please. It's been so long since I've had company."  
  
He rapidly motioned for him to sit back down. Ed sighed.  
  
"You're surrounded by men here. You don't talk to any of them?"  
  
Oswald faltered. "I just mean to say, it's been so long since I've had such... intelligent, cultured company."  
  
Ed jerked his head up. Oswald was staring at him uncertainly.  
  
"And so I thought surely you could humor me just a little bit longer? Riddler?"  
  
Ed’s shoulders relaxed at the use of his name, and a smug grin crept its way onto his face.  
  
"Well," He laughed, slowly sitting back down and crossing his legs confidently. "I suppose it isn't too often anyone has the opportunity to discuss things with me. You should consider yourself lucky, Oswald. Many would kill for a moment like this."  
  
Oswald rolled his eyes, and tapped cigarette ashes into a tray beside him. Ed didn't notice.  
  
“So what's on your mind this morning, Ozzie?” Ed’s entire demeanor had reverted back to its usual, egotistical self. Even with a hangover, nothing got Ed going again like a compliment.  
  
He leaned back and propped his feet up on the table that sat between them, taking some pride in the annoyed glare that crossed Oswald’s face. These tables probably cost a fortune. Such a materialist, his poor Penguin. Certainly he knew there were more exciting things in life than expensive furniture and vintage wines.  
  
Oswald took a breathe. “Edward, I've been meaning to ask," he tried to keep his voice low. "How would you feel about a new suit?"  
  
“What's wrong with my suit?” Ed’s face hardened in offense, and he touched his lapel.  
  
“You must own ten different suits identical to that one! I don't know how you put up with it. Consider it a gift, really."  
  
Ed softened a bit. "And why would you do that for me?"  
  
"My dearest Edward, you know I'm proficient in fashion." Oswald smiled almost warmly, and placed a hand over his heart. "I just thought it might be fun."  
  
"That's it? The Penguin wants to design me a new suit just for fun?" Ed laughed. "Alright, Oswald, I'll bite. Lead the way."  
  
Oswald set his cigarette holder down on the table. Rather enthusiastically, he pushed himself up with his cane, gripping the silver penguin head that sat at the top of it. He motioned in the direction of the back elevators and started off towards them. Ed followed his lead. He caught a glimpse of Bernard polishing shot glasses as they left the lounge, and felt a sense of satisfaction. Oswald seemed much more interested in him rather than Bernard now - that was all that mattered. Although Oswald was fairly well known for his vast array of side-men (the selection changed weekly, as far as Ed knew), Bernard seemed to be his favorite. Ed didn't know what made Bernard special, but he did know he was much more deserving of Oswald's friendship than that pathetic little lapdog. He smiled to himself as he entered Oswald's bedroom. A large wardrobe stood at the back of the room beside a dressing mirror.  
  
"Close your eyes," Oswald instructed as Ed seated himself on the bed. "I want this to be a surprise."  
  
Ed scowled, but reluctantly put his hands over his eyes. "Oswald, what is going on here?"  
  
"Just give it a moment," Oswald replied eagerly. Ed could hear him shifting around the room. "There. Open."  
  
Oswald removed Ed's hands from his eyes, and stepped back towards the wardrobe. Hanging on the door was a suit jacket, emerald green and adorned with dozens of black question marks. A matching bowler hat and tie hung by its side. Ed jumped off the bed and reached out towards it.  
  
"Oswald, I thought you meant you were going to make me something, this... How long have you had this?" He ran the silky tie through his fingers.  
  
"Oh, only a year or so. Thought I'd keep it on hand in case I ever needed to bribe you." Oswald answered offhandedly.  
  
Ed held the jacket up to his torso, measuring it. It looked like it would fit even better than anything he currently owned.  
  
"To be quite frank, it's hideous." Oswald smiled. "But I thought you might like it."  
  
"It's perfect." Ed said, trying his hat on. He moved to look at himself in the full length mirror, and placed his domino mask over his eyes for a full effect.  
  
"Here," Oswald was suddenly behind Ed, reaching around to take off his current jacket. Oswald's chest was pressed a little too tightly against Ed's back for comfort, but he didn't say anything.  
  
Oswald unbuttoned the front, sliding it off Ed's arms and tossing it carelessly onto the bed behind them. He slipped his arms through the sleeves of the new jacket that Oswald held up to his back. A perfect fit. Oswald never forgot his sizing. He buttoned up the front of it, admiring himself in the mirror, when a clang startled him. He looked down to see one of his cuff links had hit the floor, and dove to grab it.    
  
"Here - give me your wrist." Oswald instructed as Ed stood back up. Ed placed the bejeweled cuff link in Oswald's palm, and held out his arm.  
  
"You don't have to do that, you know," Ed laughed. "I can dress myself."  
  
"Yes, I know," Oswald didn't bother to look up as he spoke. "But I can dress you better."  
  
Ed snorted.  
  
Oswald removed his gloves, handed them to Ed, and took Ed's wrist in his hand to inspect it carefully. Manually holding him still was an unnecessary gesture, but not an entirely unwelcome one. Positioning his arm as he needed it, Oswald maneuvered him around, trying to get the cuff link to clasp while Ed watched. Oswald looked intensely focused on such a small task, his tongue stuck out in concentration. There was something incredibly endearing about it. The corners of Ed's lips quirked into a crooked smile, something he had caught himself doing quite often recently. Oswald was usually the cause.  
  
Ed snapped out of his thoughts when Oswald looked up at him. He seemed to have noticed Ed's odd expression and flushed face. He laughed nervously and pulled away, brushing over Ed's wrist lightly.  
  
"Darnedest thing," Oswald said, taking his gloves back from Ed. "The clasp is broken. Perhaps I should get you some new cuff links as well."  
  
Ed glanced to his sleeves, then back up at Oswald. "Yes," He half-laughed softly. Ghosts of Oswald's touch still lingered on his hand. He rubbed the areas until they faded. "Perhaps."  
  
"Well," Ed finally spoke up, "I can go without the cuff links. But we can't just leave the rest of this incomplete, can we? I'll get the tie." He turned to reach for it, but Oswald was a step ahead of him.  
  
"Allow me, please." Oswald slung the purple tie around Ed's neck. He stepped up to Ed so they were toe to toe, facing each other head on. Even with Oswald's hair standing up, their height difference was ridiculous. Ed found himself looking down on Oswald's forehead and eyelashes. Oswald's eyes fluttered while he worked, and Ed noticed faint purple eye shadow he hadn't been able to see before. He felt himself suppressing another smile. Oswald glanced up to meet his eyes as he finished the tie. He let out a breathy laugh as he dragged his hands away.  
  
"There. Perfect." Oswald smiled tightly. He reached out again and smoothed down Ed's lapels. He kept his hands there, pressing lightly against Ed's chest. His expression was unreadable. He slid his hands down lower, stopping at Ed's ribs, and pulled away cautiously.  
  
"You look very handsome, Edward."  
  
Ed's heart skipped a beat. Even unable to see himself, he knew his expression must be ridiculous. He shut his jaw and turned to the mirror, taking a step away from Oswald.  
  
"Yes, I suppose I do." He adjusted his hat, and struck a pose. It made him feel a little better. Oswald sat down on the bed behind him.  
  
"This is really mine?" Ed asked, looking at Oswald in the mirror. "No catch?"  
  
"Well," Oswald cocked his head. "One catch. I'm having a party tonight, celebrating my return to the lounge. I want you to be there, and I want you to wear the suit."  
  
Ed joined Oswald at the foot of the bed. "A party, huh? I think I can make it."  
  
Oswald smiled, clapping his hands together. "Wonderful. I'll see you tonight then." He stood, grabbing his cane. "And feel free to change in here. I have plenty of closet space if you want to leave your suit."  
  
Ed nodded, and Oswald disappeared through the door.

 

* * *

 

 

Ed didn't change. He did, however, stay in Oswald's room a while. You can tell a lot about a person by their bedroom, Ed thought, and he was a curious man. It wouldn't be long, he decided, just a quick look around. He started with the bookshelf, but it held nothing more than a few old novels and a photo album full of pictures of Oswald and his mother. Moving to the bedside table, he clicked on the umbrella-shaped lamp. He looked around the table. Some lip balm, an ashtray, a switchblade - surprisingly cluttered for someone like Oswald. Ed took note of that. He noticed a handle on the side of the table - a drawer. He shook the knob, finding it unlocked. That was certainly interesting.    
  
This felt  _ very  _ wrong, he thought, but why stop now?    
  
He opened it slowly - and immediately recoiled, slamming it shut again. He squeezed his eyes shut. Inside was a condom box, and a small bottle of what was almost definitely lube.    
  
_ Oswald is a grown man,  _ He reminded himself.  _ He's allowed to have sex. It's not your business. _   
  
He couldn't care less about finding Query and Echo's condom packages laying around the house, so long as they picked them up eventually. Why was  _ this  _ so repulsive?    
  
_ But sort of intriguing. _ His thoughts shot back at him.  _ You think he's any good in bed? Or just rich?  _   
  
"Shut  _ up _ ," Ed said aloud, shaking his head in defiance. "I don't care."   
  
Ed opened the drawer again, cautiously pushing the items to the side with one finger as if they might attack him. To his disappointment, there wasn't much else of interest. Another novel, some tissue (he tried not to think about that one too hard either), a pair of gloves - Oswald might keep the least interesting room of anyone Ed knew.    
  
He was giving up, trying to arrange things back as they were, when he felt the sharp corner of something paper nick his finger. He looked closer, pushing the gloves out of the way to find the culprit.    
  
"Well I'll be darned." Ed said aloud, pulling a worn origami penguin from the drawer. He smiled fondly to himself, turning it over in his hand. It was a little crumpled, and the colors had faded, but it was in good condition for its age. It must have been at least 10 years old.    
  
_ Still a sentimentalist, are we, Ozzie?  _ Ed thought, running his finger along one of the paper penguin's folds.    
  
He felt a pang of something in his chest at the thought of Oswald keeping it safe for so long. He held it up to his face, examining it closer. It smelled faintly of the mahogany of the drawer and Oswald's cologne.    
  
Out of nowhere, a loud banging on the bedroom door startled him, and he nearly dropped the penguin.    
  
"Who is it?" Ed called in a sing-song voice, trying to sound casual as he scrambled to put everything back where it belonged in the drawer.    
  
"Mr. Riddler? It's Bernard, Mr. Cobblepot sent me up here."    
  
Ed slammed the drawer shut. He was going to kill that man.    
  
Ed composed himself, and opened the door to Bernard standing in front of him. They were around the same height, he noticed, but Bernard was hunched over enough it made him appear shorter. Ed stood up a little straighter just to make a point.    
  
"The party starts in a half hour," Bernard continued, usual nervousness in his voice. "Mr. Cobblepot wanted me to let you know."    
  
Ed bared his teeth. "And you're going to be there, I presume?"   
  
"Well, yes, Mr. Penguin said I should stay close to him for the night, because-"    
  
Ed cut him off with a wave of his hand. He sighed, brushing a strand of hair out of his face while Bernard stared. The little creep was somehow even more irritating one-on-one like this. Ed didn't know how Oswald even put up with him, never mind the fact he seemed to be his favorite plaything. His stomach twisted as he peered down into Bernard's face, trying to decipher just what Oswald saw in him. Bernard clenched his jaw, averting his eyes as Ed looked him up and down. He was relatively handsome, he supposed. Charming in his own awkward way, if you were into that sort of thing. His high cheekbones and down turned nose gave him an interesting face, and his build was average enough - but something still made Ed cringe. If he was going to be at Oswald's party tonight, Ed saw no sense in going. Ending up sidelined with only the promise of a new suit wasn't worth the effort. Ed reached up to adjust his glasses, and Bernard flinched as if he had been about to hit him.    
  
"Relax, kid, I'm not going to hurt you." Ed said, pushing his glasses up. "Oswald likes you too much."    
  
Bernard opened his eyes, and looked up at Ed. He pulled his lips into a tight line of a smile, and laughed through his nose.    
  
"Of - yes, of course," He said, forcing another laugh. He ran a hand through his curly hair, which had been tamed best it could for the occasion tonight. A few curls sprung loose at the disturbance. "You were just - of course. Silly me, I just thought - you're a super villain and all, so I thought-"     
  
Ed was almost too embarrassed for him to be annoyed at this point. He forced a smile and started to push the door closed. "Goodnight, Bernard."   
  
"Mr. Riddler, wait, please!" Bernard grabbed the edge of the door, holding it open. "You need to be there tonight. You're the guest of honor. Mr. Cobblepot would be devastated if you didn't show."    
  
Ed stopped.  _ Guest of honor? _ He wet his lips thoughtfully. Guest of honor sounded promising. And with all those people there... It might be worth it to at least show  _ up _ .  He opened the door just enough to look Bernard in the face.     
  
"Alright. Tell Oswald I'll be there." 

 

* * *

 

Ed looked around the crowded gala for someone, anyone, he recognized. He wore his new suit as promised, and carried his question mark cane in one hand. The lounge was packed from wall to wall, and he had to wiggle his way through packs of conversing guests just to reach the bar. Bernard wasn't serving the drinks, he noticed, which made ordering much less awkward. He downed his wine the second it was placed in front of him and sighed. He had had more to drink in the past two days than he had in the last 5 years.  
  
_Oswald's influence_ , he thought. Sipping on his third glass of wine, he heard a shrill voice from behind him.  
  
" _Eddieee!_ " It yelled, knocking the air out of him in a surprise tackle-hug. He looked up as the weight removed itself from his shoulders. Sure enough - there stood Query and Echo.  
  
"We've been looking all over for you!" Query said, pulling up a seat next to him. They were both wearing expensive looking dresses and pearls. Query, of course, had kept her police hat on.  
  
"Where on Earth did you get those outfits?" Ed asked through his teeth, glancing around for eavesdroppers.  
  
Echo shrugged. "Stole 'em off some rich ladies outside. They had their own limo and everything. Pretty sweet. Have you talked to Penguin yet?"  
  
"Rich ladies, what-" Ed started, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You know what? I don't wanna know. No, I haven't seen him yet. Have you?"  
  
"Yeah man, he's up front in that big stupid chair with Berand." Query said, stealing a sip from Ed's glass.    
  
"Bernard." Ed corrected.  
  
"Whatever. Hey, Mr. Bartender, can we get some fancy vodka over here?"  
  
Ed groaned. He stood, and Echo immediately nabbed his seat. Sometimes he forgot why he bothered paying them to hang around. Ed pushed through the crowd, a stream of _pardon me_ and _excuse me’_ s mumbled under his breath. He reached the other end of the room, and spotted Oswald. He was seated on his throne, laughing with a group of well-dressed socialites and Bernard clinging to his shoulder. Bernard looked up and spotted Ed, waving at him enthusiastically. Ed gave a hesitant wave back. Bernard leaned down to Oswald's ear, whispering something to him. _Gross._ Ed balled his fists and took another step forward, when Oswald finally saw him.  
  
"Edward!" He said, standing. "Our guest of honor - fashionably late, I presume?"  
  
The group of people around him laughed as if on cue. Ed forced a smile.  
  
"Please, Edward, sit with us!" Oswald waved him over, and he awkwardly obeyed. His designated chair was right next to Oswald's.  
  
"The Riddler, everyone," Oswald presented. "He's the reason I'm here tonight."  
  
The group applauded, and Ed couldn't help but swell at the attention. He bowed slightly from where he was sitting, and thanked everyone.  
  
"Of course, Query and Echo helped but - mostly me, yes. Almost all me, actually." Ed said, adjusting his tie. He continued to beam, even after everyone else had moved on to a different topic of discussion. He watched the crowds enthusiastically, considering how lucky they all were to have him here. The Riddler, right in front of them. He might even sign some autographs.  
  
Ed's thoughts were cut off mid-sentence, as he felt something touch his hand. He turned defensively to see Oswald, simply resting his hand on his. Oswald didn't say a word about it - just continued conversing with his guests. It was comforting in the worst ways possible. Bernard stood on the other side of him, and Oswald kept a hand on his side, thumb tracing his hip tenderly.  
  
Ed knew Bernard was just arm candy. Something pretty to show off to his friends at galas like this. And the longer he watched Oswald keep his hands on the both of them, the more he wondered if he was just Oswald's newest addition.    
  
_Is that such a bad thing?_   The thought crossed his mind. _I mean, what goes on here? Parties, drinking, culture. And considering the things you found upstairs, you might even start getting some action-_ Ed tried to push the thought away, growing nauseous. That image was not something he could afford right now.    
  
_No doubt he'd make you his favorite._  
  
Ed clenched his jaw. 

_You really don't want that?_  
  
No. He was Edward Nygma. The Riddler, the smartest man in Gotham, and his only goal was to outwit the Batman. Oswald was _his_ pawn to play, not the other way around. Even if that hand squeezing his felt as welcoming as it did right now. He jerked away from Oswald, not bothering to look back as he excused himself. Oswald started to call after him, but Ed ignored him. He shoved his way through the surrounding crowd, heading frantically to the front doors and outside into the cold Gotham air.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finished this after a lot of obsessive editing. Comments are appreciated as always ♥

_Shit._  
  
Edward had bailed on him, and Oswald knew he only had himself to blame. How utterly stupid of him to assume Ed would feel the same way so quickly. He had overstepped his boundaries. Of course this would happen.  
  
At least he wasn't completely alone tonight.  
  
Oswald pushed Bernard forward, hands feeling up his chest, lips pressed to his neck. He reached around him to open the door to his office, fumbling with the knob momentarily. The lounge had long since been cleared out, but Oswald preferred the privacy of a locked room. He slammed the door shut, holding Bernard back against it by the lapels. He stood on his toes, pressing their mouths together, messy and hot. Bernard produced a small whine against his lips. Oswald stroked his hair back in an encouraging response.  
  
_Of course Ed still wouldn't want you._    
  
He undid Bernard's belt, unzipping his fly and palming at his crotch. Bernard rolled his head back, eyes desperate.

 _Still so sentimental after all these years. You're pathetic._  
  
This was supposed to be a distraction from Ed, he knew - Ed should be the last thing on his mind right now.   
  
But it was hard not to be reminded of him, as he bent Bernard over his desk, pants pulled to his ankles, showing off his lanky frame. From this angle, he was nearly indistinguishable from Ed (or at least, Oswald assumed). He gripped Bernard's ass in one hand, trying to seem present despite his wandering thoughts. Bernard obliged, pressing back against Oswald enthusiastically. He was already hurrying to get a small bottle of lube from Oswald's desk drawer. Oswald sighed.

As stunning as Bernard looked like this, Oswald had to shut his eyes, hoping to focus his thoughts.

He tried to keep his mind cleared, paying attention to only the feeling of Bernard around his fingers, his obscene sounds and strings of “ _Mr. Cobblepot, please, ah, Mr. Cobblepot-"_  
  
After a while, Bernard made a strangled noise loud enough to snap Oswald back to reality. He seemed to have stopped moving his hips.

“Mr. Penguin, sir-” He pulled off Oswald's fingers, panting. "There's someone at the door. They've been knocking a while now."  
  
There certainly was someone there - someone angry, it seemed, from the incessant pounding. Bernard hurriedly pulled his pants back up as Oswald rushed to the door. He opened it to a gun in his face.  
  
"Alright, Penguin. What did you do with Eddie?" That blonde friend of Edward's asked. "He's not in the lounge or his room. We _know_ you have something to do with this."  
  
Echo stood by her side, a second gun in her hand, although thankfully not pointed at him. "You've got one try at an answer, or you won't like what happens next."  
  
"Relax, ladies," Oswald said, raising his hands in surrender. "I haven't seen him either."  
  
"What do you mean you haven't seen him? He was just here with you!" Query's voice cracked. Echo put a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"I _mean_ , I haven't seen him. He left. I assumed he went to go see you two. Now would you be so kind as to stop pointing that thing at me?"  
  
Query lowered her pistol, looking devastated. "Well, then where is he?"    
  
"How should I know? You're not paying me to be his babysitter. I'm sure he's around here somewhere. Now, if you'll excuse me, I’m in the middle of something-" Oswald started to close the door, but the barrel of Echo's gun blocked it. She threw the door open, grabbing him by the arm.  
  
"Oh, no. You're coming with us, Ozzie. I don't know how, but I know it's your fault he's missing. You're gonna help us or we'll... I swear we'll..."  
  
Query grabbed Bernard out from behind Oswald, holding him in a choke hold, and pointed her weapon at his head.  
  
"Yeah!" Echo said. "We'll do that."  
  
Oswald flinched, sucking in air through his teeth.  
  
"Jesus, alright, I'll go with you! But he probably just ran out for some supplies." Oswald pulled Bernard from Query, wrapping his arm around his hip protectively. "Bernard, darling, be a dear and keep watch over the lounge, would you?"  
  
"Actually," Bernard said. "I think- I think I can help here."  
  
Oswald sighed, speaking as if scolding a child. "You can help by listening to me, and staying behind."  
  
But Bernard, to Oswald's surprise, had already pulled away. He was at the computer, clicking the mouse frantically.  
  
"Bernard, I told you, no-"  
  
"There!" Bernard turned the screen to them, pointing to a fuzzy black and white video. Security footage. "He left the lounge and headed east around 1:30 AM. He's probably near the museum."  
  
Oswald opened his mouth, but had nothing to say. Bernard actually might've been right.  
  
"Not as dumb as you look, huh kid?" Echo patted Bernard's cheek. "Might as well head out, then. No time to waste!"  She pumped her fist in the air, charging forwards.  
  
Bernard touched his face fondly, smiling to himself.  
  
"I'll wait here, sir." He said. "If- if you still want me too."  
  
Oswald nodded, and planted a quick goodbye kiss on the corner of his mouth.  
  
"Stay out of trouble."  
  
Query and Echo headed for the exit, and Oswald begrudgingly followed.

* * *

  
Oswald decided to lead them on the quickest route - a back door connecting the lounge to the museum. An unflattering place to start the tour, but Oswald wanted this over with as soon as possible.

"Eddie!" Query called, hands cupped around her mouth. The three of them entered the building, door creaking shut behind them. It was eerie this late at night, with nothing but still displays staring back at them. " _Eddie?!_ "  
  
Oswald trudged behind the two women, wanting nothing more than to head back to the lounge. It felt pointless to be there. Even if Ed had abandoned them, why should Oswald care? He had plenty of people to keep him company. This "plan" barely had anything to do with him. Perhaps he'd miss seeing him again tomorrow, but it'd be fine. He'd be fine. Why didn't he feel fine?

They were in the exotic bird room now, Oswald's personal favorite, with several live attractions. Oswald stopped by a cage of scarlet macaws, digging them out some of the bird seed he always kept in his suit pocket. He opened the cage door, and one of the birds hopped out onto his hand, giving him a nuzzle. Oswald stroked its head thoughtfully. He watched Query and Echo on the other side of the room - their yelling was obviously upsetting the birds.

“I'm sorry about them, darling,” Oswald cooed, kissing the bird's forehead. “They won't be staying long, I promise.” 

The macaw cocked its head.

Oswald huffed, turning to put the bird back in its cage. He gave it one last pat, and nearly jumped when someone grabbed his shoulder.

Query leaned against him, adjusting her police hat.

“Pretty close with these birds, aren't you?"  She mocked, grinning down at him. She must've been at least a head taller than him - she looked like she might even surpass Ed's height. Not that Oswald was threatened.

He pushed her off of him, holding out his cane at arm's length to block her from returning.

“She got a name?” Query nodded towards the newly returned macaw.

“They all have names.”

“Hm,” Was her only response, bending down to get a look at the enclosure's bottom level. She stuck her fingers through the bars, trying to get some sort of reaction from the birds. Oswald silently hoped one of them would peck her.

“Hey, Ozzie?” Echo called from across the room, where she was pulling back  a curtain draped across the wall. “Is this part of your usual decor?”

Oswald and Query headed over. Behind the curtain hung a neon question mark sign, at least a few feet tall. It seemed to be hooked up to something, but it had been switched off. Even like this, Oswald could tell it was some sort of beginning to a booby trapped puzzle.

Query clasped her hands together in excitement, stepping up for a closer look. “Oh, that is _classic_ Eddie.”

Oswald was not as enthralled as Query, to say the least. The sign was one thing, but the spray painted words on the wall around it? The torn up wallpaper to reach the inner wiring? It was vandalism, destruction of property, and Oswald had _not_ remembered agreeing to that.

Oswald cursed to himself, something about swearing to kill Ed if he did any more damage to his things, but Query and Echo were already out in the hallway and racing for the next room. Oswald blew a few goodbye kisses to his birds and chased after them.

Query seemed to be following the wiring from the aviary, tracking it along the walls with her fingertips.

_How much had Ed done here?_

Oswald leaned himself against a display case, sturdy enough to hold his weight. He examined his nails disinterestedly. He hoped he looked as bored as he felt.

“So what's going on with you two, anyways?” Query was suddenly behind him again, picking at her fishnet stockings. “I don't think I've ever seen Eddie act this weird. Even around Batman.”  

“Will you _please_ stop sneaking up on me like that?” Oswald clutched his chest. Query shrugged at him.

“Just curious.”

“There's nothing _going on_ with us,” Oswald said. “We’re old friends. We have a long history together, and this was supposed to be a reunion of sorts.”

“And that's why you changed your mind about helping us overnight?”

“I didn't say it wasn't a complicated history.”

“I believe you,” Query said, sounding unconvinced. “But _one_ more thing.”

She bent down to his level, her face pressed so close to his he could feel her breath on his ear. Oswald cringed.

“Know that if you _ever_ break his heart,” She whispered lowly, voice as serious as Oswald had ever heard her. “Me and Echo will not hesitate to come after you. You and everyone you care about. Capisce?”

Oswald shoved her off of him.

“I'll keep it in mind,” He smiled dryly, taking a step back. “But I assure you, we're only friends.”

Oswald's chest grew increasingly heavy at his own words.

_Idiot._

The feeling followed him as they continued to search the building, ever present and nagging. But it would go away on its own, he told himself, at least for a while. He had learned that a long time ago.  
  
"I think I've got a lead!" Query called as they neared the front of the museum, waving Echo over and interrupting Oswald's train of thought.  
  
The two of them hurried over to where Query stood. She crouched down at the top of the staircase, running her hand over a splatter of dried green paint - a part of the marble flooring Oswald most definitely did not ask to be included. Ed _would_ pay him back for this, Oswald promised. The paint continued down the stairs, creating a rather convenient trail to the center of his museum lobby.  
  
They followed it down the steps, stopping under the entrance's main attraction: its life-size T-Rex. The animatronic stood 20 feet tall, roaring at anyone who got too close to its motion activated sensors. Sensors which, Oswald realized, were not going off, even standing this distance from it. In fact, it seemed to be shut off entirely. Oswald craned his neck to look up, spotting movement from the top of the robot. Echo noticed it too, and tried to get a good look.  
  
"Eddie?" She called up. "Eddie, please tell me that's you."  
  
Ed lifted his head, glaring down at the three of them from the top of the T-Rex animatron. His face briefly lit up, but fell again as soon as he locked eyes with Oswald.  
  
"Hello, girls. Oswald." Ed stood, taking a moment to balance himself, and climbed down the side of the T-Rex's leg. Query and Echo ran over to help him land gently. He thanked them with brief hugs, brushed himself off, and began making his way towards Oswald.  
  
"Care to explain what you're doing here?" Oswald asked, trying to keep his temper low.     
  
"Just preparing for when the Batman arrives." Ed said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Really, Oswald. No need to look so concerned. You can go back to the lounge."  
  
Oswald ground his teeth. Ed had _some_ nerve, didn't he? The egotistical moron just couldn't help himself. Now here he was, tearing up Oswald's museum for no discernible reason.  
  
"Get _out._ " Oswald said, face starting to burn.  
  
"Pardon?"  
  
" _Get out!_ " He grabbed Ed by the shoulder and pushed him into Query and Echo, nearly toppling them all over. "You're _done_ staying here and I'm done helping you. Tearing up my belongings was _not_ part of the deal."  
  
"Oswald! Calm down! The deal is off. I'm working alone now. Well, alone with Query and Echo." Query clung to his arm, grinning ear to ear. "I can help fix up the museum later. It's nothing personal, just a change of-"  
  
Ed stopped mid-sentence. Blood drained from his face, he stared wide eyed into the distance.     
  
"Eddie?" Query squinted in the direction Ed was staring.    
  
"He's here." Ed choked, grasping at Query's shirt sleeve. "He wasn't supposed to be here yet. A few more hours at the very least, how could he have possibly-"  
  
"I'm sorry, _who's_ here?" Oswald interrupted.  
  
Something whizzed past Ed's face before he could answer. It landed with a metallic clang, stuck part way into the floor. Echo yanked it out, holding it to the light to examine it - a small, black, bat-shaped piece of metal.  
  
"Eddie, you did _not_."  
  
She shoved the scuffed batarang into Ed's hands, pulling out her own weapon. She watched the ceiling for movement and pointed her gun, visibly shaking as Query clung to her waist.  
  
"We're not scared of you, Bats!" Query called out, the sound echoing back to them.  
  
Oswald readied his own pistol at his side. There was no more noise, aside from the swelling sound of police sirens now outside the building. If Jim was out there, Oswald was sure he could talk to him, let him know what a big, ridiculous misunderstanding this all was-  
  
A soft thud against the ground behind the group stopped Oswald in his tracks.  
  
"Edward Nygma," He whispered, the four of them slowly turning to face the source of the noise. "I am going to _kill_ you."  
  
Ed didn't respond. Batman took a step forward, another batarang readied in front of him.  
  
"Batman!" Ed cried, arms outstretched. "Took you long enough."  
  
Whatever debilitating fear Ed had had moments ago was now replaced by his typical ego. Was this really how he dealt with himself?  
  
"The bomb, Riddler. Where is it?" Batman growled.  
  
"The _what_?" Oswald limped closer to Ed, getting a tight grip on his arm. Ed tried to pull away, but Oswald wasn't letting go. "You put a _bomb_ somewhere in my museum?!"  
  
"I-" Ed glanced at Oswald, then back to Batman.  "Yes - yes, I did. And neither you nor Batman are smart enough to find it!"

He broke free from Oswald's grasp, sauntering towards Batman. “But don't worry, Dark Knight, I've left you little hints all around the building. If you think you can solve them-”

Ed was cut off mid-sentence by a punch square to the jaw, knocking him to the floor. Batman picked him up by the collar, letting him hover just above the ground.

“Careful!” Ed grinned wildly, blood staining his teeth. “This is a new suit.”

“The _bomb,_ Nygma.”

Oswald glanced to the building's front windows, looking for an escape route - but the police had the building surrounded. Besides, there was no way Query or Echo would let him leave now. Not without saving Ed.

“Excuse me, boys,” Oswald waved to Batman. “Would you mind taking this outside? You're getting blood on my floor.”

Batman set Ed down, allowing him to stand on his own but not letting his grip slacken for a second.

“What do you know about this, Penguin?” Batman asked, shaking Ed again.

“Oh, I assure you, I'm on your side here,” Oswald said, glancing to Ed. “If I cared anything about this  _imbecile_ , I would have shot you already.”

Ed's face dropped. How true his words were, Oswald wasn't even sure of himself. But everyone else seemed to believe them.

Query grabbed Oswald in a choke hold, gun pressed to his temple. “You lying son of a _bitch_ ,” She hissed. “I knew we should've killed you back at Arkham.”

“Query, _please_ ,” Ed started, but was abruptly knocked unconscious by a second punch. He lay on the ground, blood trickling from his nose now too.

“Okay,” Echo reloaded her gun. “Plan B.”

She ran at Batman, dodging one of his punches and sweeping his leg. He stumbled, and Echo shot wildly at him, bullets he narrowly avoided. Batman hurled a batarang at her gun, jamming itself into the barrel. Echo looked exasperated.

Behind the two of them, Query had successfully managed to throw Ed's unconscious body over her shoulder. Oswald slowly began to back up, to get anywhere away from the mess unfolding.  

A hand grabbed his arm.

“Oh, no, Pengy, you're coming with us.” Query yanked him, running past the fight still going on. Echo managed to dodge another punch and escape to join the group.

Oswald ran as fast as his bad leg would allow him, but they seemed to notice how he was slowing them down. Between the added weight of carrying Ed and Oswald's limp, Batman was sure to catch up with them _very_ soon.

“We need to drop you two off somewhere,” Echo said, helping Oswald round a sharp corner. “We can handle this. We've dealt with worse.”

“Great,” Oswald panted. “Just leave us at the lounge.”

“Sure thing.”

They eventually reached the museum exit, leading them directly into the lounge's kitchen. Query and Echo stopped suddenly, and Oswald almost rammed into the back of them.

“What is this? Why are we stopped?” He asked, tapping Query on the shoulder.

“There,” Query pointed across the room, in the direction of the walk-in cooler. “You two hide out in there. We'll go find the bomb and disable it, Batman will leave us alone. Piece of cake. Just stay out of the way.”

“Excuse me?” Oswald tried to protest, but Echo was already shoving him into the cooler. “You cannot expect me to sit around and wait in a _freezer-”_

Query gently set Ed’s unconscious body down next to Oswald.

“Stay warm!” She saluted, and the door slammed shut.

Oswald _screamed,_ pounding his fists against the metal door. There should be a way out, even locked, but the door was blocked by something heavy on the outside of it. So there he was, trapped in a negative degree freezer with no way out, and the Riddler's passed-out body on the floor. _Just_ how he wanted to spend the rest of his night.

Eventually Oswald gave up shouting - evidently no one was around to hear him, and he was wasting energy. He slumped down on the floor next to Ed, crossing his arms in a pout. He needed a cigarette.

He pulled out his cigarette holder and lighter, warming his hands a moment on the small flame. Beside him, Ed began to stir.

He let out a long groan, turning over and blinking his eyes open.

“Oswald?” He sat up, holding his head. “What happened? Why's it so cold in here?”

" _You!_ " Oswald shoved Ed back, slamming his head against the wall. “This is _all_ your fault!” 

“God! Ow, what?” Ed frantically scooted back on the floor, out of Oswald's reach. “Are we in a freezer?”

“Smartest man in Gotham,” Oswald mocked, blowing out a puff of smoke. “Your beloved henchwomen locked us in here. Something about disabling a bomb meant to destroy my museum. You know anything about that?”  

“There's no bomb,” Ed rubbed his temples, frowning. “That was just a red herring. And I _am_ the smartest man in Gotham.”

“There's no-” Oswald held his fists up to his face, clenching them so hard they shook. “Of course there's no bomb. A red herring. A red herring for _what_ , Edward?!”

“A trap. Like the one we had originally planned. And everything was going just perfectly until you showed up.”

Oswald laughed in disbelief. “Until _I_ showed up? Query had to drag your scrawny ass out of there because you couldn't handle getting bloodied up a little. Speaking of which, clean your face. It's filthy.”

Ed said nothing, and self consciously touched the drying blood beneath his nose. Oswald lit another cigarette.

“We're gonna die in here, aren't we?” Ed finally spoke up. “From hypothermia - or suffocation. Or the police. Or Batman. Oh, god.“ He clutched his chest, breathing unevenly.

“We're not going to die in here, you idiot.” Oswald snapped. “Your women will come get us out as soon as they realize there's no bomb. We just have to stay warm in the meantime. And for the love of god stop breathing like that, you're wasting air.”  

Ed's hyperventilating didn't get much better, but it didn't seem to get worse. With no sense of time, they sat in silence for a long while. Ed clung to himself and rocked back and forth, as if that would keep him any warmer. Oswald shut his eyes.

“You shouldn't go to sleep,” Ed piped up from across the room. “You'll freeze faster.”

Oswald opened an eye and sighed. “Stop watching me.”

“Just observing my surroundings.”

Oswald groaned and sat up. As much as he hated to admit it, Ed was probably right. But it's not like he had much else to do in there having already finished off his cigarettes. Looked like they'd have to resort to each other for entertainment.

_Ugh._

“You really set up a deathtrap for _Batman_ in only a few hours?” Oswald asked, hoping his attempt to strike up a conversation wasn't too obvious.

“Not a deathtrap. But yes.” Ed smiled to himself. “Turned the entire armory into an impenetrable bat-cage. Not to mention all the puzzles I hooked up around the rest of the building.”

Oswald stared at him for a moment.

“So there's no bomb? You're sure?”  

“No, Oswald,” Ed assured him. “If I wanted to ruin you like that, I would have already. You should know me that well by now.”

Oswald had to laugh. As angry as he had been, he supposed Ed's story still checked out. They owed that much to each other.

“That's- _actually_ rather impressive.”  Oswald said. Ed eyed him suspiciously.  “I’m serious! Turning the armory into a trap room? And in such a short time frame, too - Jesus, Edward.”

Ed snorted, but Oswald caught him looking away almost embarrassedly. “It was nothing.”

It was reflexive at this point, to flatter Ed into getting a desired response. It felt wrong, but something told Oswald that Ed didn't mind too much. Besides, it would keep them both busy.

“Come over here and sit next to me, Ed.” Oswald patted the floor next to him. “It'll keep us both warmer.”

Ed faltered a moment, but did as he was told. They sat just close enough their shoulders touched. Ed's teeth chattered.

“Do you still have that lighter?” He asked.

Oswald passed it to him, and they warmed their hands in awkward silence. The body heat did seem to be helping - a good thing, because the lighter went out not soon afterwards.

“Crud,” Ed tossed it to the ground bitterly. “Lousy thing.”

Normally Oswald would have said something about Ed carelessly throwing around his belongings, but at this point, he was too cold to care. Especially with the aching pain in his bad leg he now noticed, unsure how long it had been getting worse. He rubbed his knee, mumbling under his breath. Ed gave him an odd look.

“Are you alright?” Ed asked him.

“I'm fine. The cold just... it makes it worse.” The last thing either of them should've been worried about was a little joint pain.

Ed said nothing, only made a small noise in response. Then Oswald saw him move from the corner of his eye, shuffling to take off his jacket.

“What are you doing?” Oswald looked up at his face.

“Here.” Ed handed the jacket to Oswald. “Use it as a blanket. It should help.”

Oswald laughed.

“You can't be serious, Edward. You'll freeze.”

“I have an extra pair of gloves. I'll be fine. Take it.”

“I- no,” Oswald held the coat back out to Ed. “Do you know how much money I spent on that for you? I won't let it end up on the floor.”

His tone came off crueler than he had intended, but that was just fine. Ed's offer had been so genuine, it caught Oswald off guard - especially with the way they had both been acting that night. Perhaps it was better to seem like he didn't care.

“Fine.” Ed looked offended, taking the coat back from Oswald. “Let's try this, then.”

Before Oswald had a chance to protest, Ed was pulling their bodies together, as close as they could get without ending up on top of each other. He wrapped the jacket around both of their shoulders like they were sharing a blanket. Oswald was a bit wide for it to cover him properly, but the shared warmth was already enough. He wasn't sure he could handle being any closer than this.

“Better?” Ed asked earnestly.

Oswald nodded. He ran his free hand through his hair, silently grateful that the cold had already been making his face red.

“It should start to regulate your body temperature. Not as easy as if you had just taken my first offer, but my being here should help. Shared body heat should be just as - if not more - effective.”

“Shared body heat?” Oswald grinned. “I bet you say that to every man you get trapped in a freezer with.”

“Not- no, Oswald, you know what I mean-” Ed sputtered defensively. Oswald could only laugh at Ed's horrified expression. He leaned his head in to rest on Ed's shoulder, and felt him tense.

“Too close?” Oswald asked, prepared to sit back up.

“No, no, you're fine. If it keeps you warm.”

Oswald thanked him, pulling the coat tighter around his chest. Ed's eyes nervously studied the floor.

It was rather endearing, Oswald thought, how easy it was to make as self-assured a man as the Riddler a little flustered. Did Ed save that hint of modesty just for him?

Oswald couldn't help but shut his eyes. Ed had told him not to sleep, but he was warmer now. A moment couldn't hurt.

“You're still cleaning up my museum when this is all over.”  

“Of course.”

Oswald smiled to himself. He focused on Ed's breathing, how content it made him, and was soon lulled to sleep.

* * *

“Oswald?”

Oswald opened his eyes, taking a minute to remember where he was. He was practically nuzzled into Ed, he realized, face pressed into his neck and an arm slung over his stomach.

“I’m sorry, I fell asleep, I didn't mean to-” He sat up, retreating and continuing to apologize.

“Not that.” Ed stopped him. “Do you hear that?”

Oswald, hardly having time to collect himself, paused and listened. Voices could be heard from just outside the room, loud and undoubtedly in some sort of argument.

“They're back.” Ed grinned. He untangled them both from their position, helping Oswald to stand. “What'd I tell you, Oswald? Great girls.”

“Other than locking us in a freezer together, sure.” Oswald rubbed his arms to generate heat, already missing the warmth of another body. “This just better all be over with.”

As expected, the door behind them began to rattle. Ed hurried over, ready to open it the second he was able. Oswald hung back a good distance.

Just as Ed reached for the handle, the door was kicked open, knocking him backwards. He quickly caught his footing, using Oswald as a crutch. The door was wide open now, and Ed gasped aloud at the sight. A young GCPD officer stood in the door frame, pointing a gun at the two of them. Bernard, of _all people,_ stood beside him.

“Put your hands where I can see them!” The cop yelled, voice shaking. “Move at all and I _will_ shoot!”

Ed and Oswald obeyed, raising their hands to the level of their eyes.

Ed gasped aloud. “Oh, dear.”

“Bernard, you _moron-_ ” Oswald started, using every ounce of his will not to rush him. The gun pointed in his direction was enough discouragement.

“Mr. Cobblepot, I'm so sorry, I can explain,” Bernard said, waving his hands frantically. “Query and Echo let me know where you were, then the police, they just- the police, they threatened me-”

Oswald was ready to lunge forward and grab Bernard, but Ed gave him a look that he knew meant to stay back. Oswald rolled his eyes. Bernard backed out of the room, looking humiliated. Perhaps it was for the best. 

“Guess you didn’t get the memo,” Ed took a cautious step forward, hands still raised. “There’s no bomb. I'm sure Batman's figured it out by now. Run along now, and maybe we can let you off easy this time.”

He had taken an almost protective stance in front of Oswald. It was almost sweet.

Taking advantage of being obscured from view, Oswald slowly pulled a small knife from his sleeve, keeping it flat against his palm.

The poor rookie cop, shaking in his shoes, didn't seem like he had much else to say - just read them their rights again, like it was all he could think of to do. 

“First time super villain encounter?” Oswald moved past Edward, daringly close to the officer. “It can be a bit overwhelming. I understand.”

The cop, terror in his face, pointed his weapon at Oswald’s chest. Oswald took that as signal enough. He lunged forward, avoiding the gun’s line of sight and stabbing the officer in the shoulder. The officer shoved Oswald off, causing him to land on the ground with a hard thud. As if the pain from landing on his bad leg wasn’t enough, the cop pulled an empty shelf down on top of him as well, pinning him to the floor.

Oswald couldn’t see Ed, but he knew what was coming next.

A loud metallic crash as Ed slammed the cop into the wall, and his gun skidding across the floor as it was knocked out of his hand. Punch after punch to the face, and blood splattering on the floor. Even through Oswald’s ringing ears, he could hear Ed shouting something, albeit unintelligible. Then a sound he wasn’t anticipating.

A gun shot rang out, and the next thing he knew, he was staring the cop straight in the bloody bullet hole as his body hit the ground.

“ _Eddie!_ ” Echo’s voice shouted, followed by a another pair of footsteps. “Sorry we’re late!"

Ed ignored her to rush to Oswald’s aid.

“ _Help me!_ ” He shouted, and Query and Echo appeared by his side.

They moved the metal shelf off of him, and Oswald groaned. Ed helped him roll over from his stomach to his back, and Oswald let his head fall back with a sigh.

“We need to get you upstairs.” Ed started to pick him up. Oswald winced, pushing him away.

“Hurts too much,” Oswald’s voice was strained. “I’ll be okay, just… give me a minute.”

Panic struck Ed’s face. He looked to Query and Echo, then pulled them aside, whispering something Oswald didn’t bother to try and make out. He shut his eyes.

“Oswald?” Ed was leaning over him again, touching his chest gently.

“Mm?”

“This is going to hurt for a second.”

Ed held a syringe and what looked like a first-aid kit, and rolled Oswald’s collar down to expose his neck.

Oswald jumped, trying frantically to roll over to his side and get away, but Ed held him down.

“It's just a mild tranquilizer, Oswald! Nothing to be afraid of. Please hold still.”

Oswald did _not_ hold still, but Ed managed to inject it. The effects were instantaneous.

Oswald cried out, clutching at Ed's sleeve one last time before he couldn't hold his eyes open any longer. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter finally! I've found myself to be a very slow writer. 
> 
> Oswald is trans, and I've tried to use some non-dysphoria inducing terminology for mine and everyone's sake, lol. Hope it's not too confusing. 
> 
> This has all been kind of an experiment for me, so feedback is deeply appreciated. Thanks for sticking around if you made it this far ♥

Ed lay Oswald down on his bed, taking proper care to make sure his leg was in the least painful position possible. Under the anesthesia, Oswald didn't even stir at being moved around like a limp ragdoll. He draped a cool washcloth over Oswald's forehead and pulled the sheets up over his body. He looked so peaceful, laying there with his mouth hung half open and eyes moving beneath his eyelids. His freckles stood stark against the red of his face, sweat-damp hair sticking to his forehead. Ed felt a pang in his chest. It certainly had been a while since this same scenario played out - but the memory of tending to Oswald in his apartment was as clear as day. Perhaps he'd even sing to him again, if it made him feel better.

Ed took off his jacket, throwing it aside, and lowered his weight onto the bed gently, careful as to not disrupt Oswald. He pulled the corner of the blanket back at Oswald's ankle, getting a good look at his injury. His entire leg was obviously in more pain than usual. Ed moved the ice pack strapped to him and rolled Oswald's sock down just enough to press his fingers against the bruise. He brushed his fingertips along Oswald's feverish skin, up and down his calf and ankle, determining which areas needed the most help. This would almost definitely have to be wrapped up.   
  
Ed replaced the ice pack and took off his glasses, folding them and setting them on the bedside table. He pulled up the hem of Oswald's shirt, checking his torso for any other serious injuries.   
  
He rested his hand on Oswald's hip, discolored and painful looking. He shouldn't have been admiring him like this, so vulnerable, but Ed couldn't help himself. The way Oswald's stomach rose and fell as he slept was mesmerizing. He had gained even more weight than Ed had realized, evidence of a fulfilling and wealthy life written on his body as well as his material possessions.

Incidentally, Ed loved it.  

Dragging himself away, Ed decided he had assessed enough. Oswald was content. He should be left alone to rest. Besides, he still had his own injuries he hadn't even begun to look at yet.

Ed stood in front of the full length mirror, arms laying limp at his side. His suit pants were dirty and slightly torn, and he knew Oswald would kill him for that later. He looked exhausted - dark circles under his eyes and chapped lips still crusted with blood. He noticed a dark bruise blooming just along his cheekbone, a souvenir from Batman. He was an utter mess.

Ed cleaned out a few small but deep cuts under his eye undoubtedly caused by that wretched cop - fingernail scratches were dirty, and Ed was not about to get infected. He hadn't even noticed that the man was fighting back at the time.  

Still, a small price to pay for the chance to help kill someone who so ruthlessly attacked Oswald. Ed smirked. _Served the pig right._

As he touched himself up, face dabbed clean of dry blood and butterfly bandages securely in place, he heard Oswald begin to stir behind him.   
  
Oswald groaned, trying and failing to sit up. His eyes were glossed over, still buzzed from the painkillers. He gave up trying to sit, and instead decided to crane his neck to get a good look around the room. His eyes landed on Ed. He smiled lazily.   
  
"Hello, handsome." He slurred, eyes half lidded. He was barely coherent, it seemed.     
  
Ed froze momentarily, trying to ignore the praise. He reached for his glasses. Oswald attempted to sit up again.

  
"Oswald, You're in a lot of pain right now, you need to lay back down." Ed pushed him back down gently by the shoulders.   
  
Oswald made a disgruntled noise, dropping his head back onto his pillow. He crossed his arms like a pouting child. "What'd you do to my leg?"   
  
"It's just an ice pack. It should relieve some of the swelling." Ed pressed the back of his hand against Oswald's cheek. "You don't have a fever. That's a good sign."   
  
"Mhm," Oswald mumbled, ignoring him. He shut his eyes and pushed his cheek against Ed's hand, practically nuzzling it.   
  
_Oh, dear._   
  
Ed should have pulled away. But Oswald looked so calm, breath steadying like he was about to drift off again. He turned his hand over, running his thumb under Oswald's eye, warm breath against his palm. They stayed there for several seconds, and Ed cursed how it made his heart flutter.   
  
"What're you doing?" Oswald asked, looking up at Ed with a warm smile.   
  
Ed breathed out a nervous laugh, pulling back.   
  
"You know what, let's... we should start wrapping you up." He stood quickly, turning to grab a roll of gauze off the table.   
  
Behind him, he heard Oswald start to giggle.   
  
_Had he ever heard Oswald giggle before?_   
  
Those pain meds were stronger than he had anticipated. He moved back to the bed.   
  
"Give me your ankle," He said, pulling Oswald's leg out from beneath the sheets. "I need to wrap you up."   
  
He gently held Oswald's leg, skin hot against his hands, bandaging the swollen area carefully as possible.   
  
"What's my diagnosis, Dr. Nygma?" Oswald asked, propping himself up against the backboard of the bed and fluttering his eyes.      
  
"I was never a doctor, Oswald. Just a forensic scientist," Ed said matter-of-factly, keeping his eyes trained on Oswald's injuries.   
  
Oswald snorted.   
  
"There," Ed stood. "You should be fine."   
  
"Thank you, Edward," Oswald said. "But I have to ask about... here." He touched his ribs through his shirt.   
  
"Does it hurt there?" Ed asked.   
  
Oswald stuck his bottom lip out and nodded pathetically. Ed sighed.   
  
"I'll check on it again. Tell me if it hurts too badly."   
  
He pulled up Oswald's shirt, examining each of Oswald's ribs fragilely with his fingers. Oswald's breathing seemed to get heavier with every rib Ed examined, working his way up his side and stopping underneath his faded top surgery scars. His chest heaved in a sigh.     
  
Ed swallowed dryly. He reminded himself to do the professional thing and ignore it.   
  
"You're fine," He looked up at Oswald, hesitantly moving away. "Just some small bruises."   
  
"Well, that's good," Oswald said. "How about here?" He tilted his head to the side, touching his jaw.   
  
Ed scowled. "There's nothing even there, Oswald. There's no way-"   
  
"Please?" Oswald said, another mock-pout plastered on his face.   
  
Ed groaned. He motioned for Oswald to tilt his chin, and he obeyed, not bothering to hide his grin. He pressed two fingers underneath Oswald's ear, and Oswald made a small noise.   
  
"Did that hurt you?"  Ed flinched.   
  
"I'm fine," Oswald said, no strain in his voice. That was reassuring, at least.   
  
Ed moved his hand down the curve of his jaw, trying not to relish in just how soft Oswald's skin was there. He rubbed his thumb over it tenderly, trying to convince himself this was all part of the examination. Oswald rolled his head back further into the pillow, exposing the full stretch of his neck now - taut and as soft looking as the rest of him. Ed held his breath.   
  
Oswald placed his hand over Ed's. Ed didn't dare move, but Oswald was less hesitant. He pressed his face into Ed's open hand, fluttering his eyelashes against him.   
  
"Oswald," Ed said, feeling heat creep up his neck. "Stop doing that."   
  
Oswald lifted his head drowsily and smiled. "What?" He rubbed his cheek against Ed's palm, like a cat leaving its scent, parted lips grazing him.   
  
Ed jerked his hand back. " _That_ . It's incredibly unprofessional."   
  
Oswald turned to his side, leaning his weight onto one elbow. He stared at him a moment, silent, eyes transfixed. Ed would usually swell under such an interested gaze, but this only felt humiliating. 

“You're hurt too,” Oswald observed, reaching for Ed's face. “Let me see.”

Ed considered stopping him. But something in Oswald's expression looked so genuinely concerned, Ed had no choice but to lean in and let Oswald examine him.

Shaky fingers caressed his cheek, bruised and painful to the touch. Ed dug his nails into his leg to keep himself from reacting to the pain.

“Who did that?” Oswald asked, his voice hushed in distress.

“Batman. You don't remember?”

Oswald didn't answer. His fingertips wandered to Ed's split bottom lip, grazing it softly. His skin was so _soft_ , Ed made a stray observation of. The sensation was so light it only tickled him.

“Okay, that's enough, I'm fine,” Ed suppressed a laugh, covering his mouth. “You need to go back to sleep.”

"Lay down with me," Oswald said. "Plenty of room." He started to scoot over to prove his point, and Ed had to block him from falling clear off the side of the bed. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, if it would get Oswald to settle back in.   
  
"Fine," Ed said, avoiding Oswald's injuries as he climbed over him. "Whatever keeps you from trying to get up."   
  
He grabbed a spare pillow and settled down next to Oswald, taking part of the sheet for himself. His body relaxed into the mattress, and he realized just how tired he was. It was nearly light out now, and he hadn't gotten a chance to sleep all night. As his eyes drifted shut, he felt Oswald turn over on his other side, facing him. He reached out to touch Ed's cheek again.

“You know, my mother used to kiss my injuries better-”

“ _Goodnight,_ Oswald.”

Oswald huffed. He began to hum a tuneless song, and Ed could tell he was staring at him. Normally he would have said something - question him, or spit back something clever - but he was too exhausted to protest. Settling into the comfort of Oswald's body heat under the same covers, he let the sound of humming lull him to sleep. 

 

* * *

 

Ed woke with a start. Gasping for air, he took a moment to take in his surroundings and determine where he was. He was still half dressed, an umbrella hung above the bed, and- yes, of course, there was Oswald next to him. He was in Oswald's room. That's right. _Oswald._  A comfortable warmth washed over him. They were both safe, and they were in bed together. _Right._   
  
Ed rolled to his back, realizing that he was completely drenched in sweat, seeping through his clothes - most of it gathered between his thighs. He took off his slacks, tossing them to the floor and reached between his legs to adjust his underwear.   
  
_Oh._   
  
This was most definitely _not_ all sweat, he thought, a dampness soaking through the front pouch of his boxer briefs. He palmed at it, still sensitive, accidentally letting a small, pleasured noise slip out. He bit his lip. Well this was humiliating, to say the least. He hadn't had a wet dream in years, to his recollection - what on Earth would trigger it now?   
  
Oswald rolled over in bed beside him, throwing an arm over Ed and sighing. Heat dropped to the pit of Ed's stomach.   
  
_Oh, dear._   
  
The feeling of Oswald so close threw flashes of his dream back at him, brief but vivid. Pinned against a wall by a smaller, heavier frame, lips on his neck, pleading, begging for friction, _Oswald, please, more_ \-   
  
Ed cringed.   
  
He peeled Oswald's arm off his chest, clambering out of bed and to the bathroom before he could wake him up. No way he was going to let Oswald see him like this, all sweat-curled hair and flushed cheeks. He needed a cold shower. Immediately.

How unfair to Oswald, Ed thought, that his subconscious would try and sully their friendship with such perverse thoughts. And how unfair that his body seemed to _enjoy it._

Ed had never thought of Oswald that way for his own enjoyment. Finding his stash of lubricant, seeing him with Bernard, even the mere _thought_ of Oswald having sex was enough to make his chest feel like a weight had been lain across it, heavy and immovable. Intruding thoughts aside, if his conscious mind truly found it all that unpleasant, he knew he must be correct - despite what his body wanted to tell him. They were just friends. Perhaps friends who shared an unusually deep connection - but friends nonetheless.

And even if Ed did feel that way, it wasn't as if Oswald felt the same. Not anymore.

That somehow made the weight worse.   
  
The shower started, and Ed undressed, meticulously folding his clothes and laying them on the counter. He stepped in, lifting his chin and letting the icy water run down his chest. It was unpleasant, but necessary, he knew. He just needed to focus on the water hitting him, shut his eyes, let his mind go blank - actually, it seemed to be helping already. He relaxed into it, working his fingers through his hair. His thoughts fell empty until he was startled by a loud banging on the door, nearly causing him to slip.   
  
"Edward? Is that you in there?" Oswald's voice carried over the sound of running water.   
  
"Yes, it's me, just a minute!" He shut off the water and looked around frantically for a towel. Why was this bathroom so needlessly large? Throwing on clean underwear and wrapping one of Oswald's robes around himself instead, he stepped up to open the door.   
  
Oswald stood in the doorway, eyes widening for a split second when he saw Ed. He was leaning on his cane, still bandaged up and drowsy looking.   
  
"That's my robe." Oswald said.   
  
"I know, I couldn't find a towel. What's up? Are you alright?"     
  
Oswald dragged his eyes away from the bit of Ed's chest peeking through the robe's opening. Ed self consciously covered himself.   
  
"I just wanted to make sure you were here. I'm still rather foggy."     
  
Ed smiled. "I'm here, Oswald. Nothing to worry about. Here, I'll make us some coffee."   
  
He left Oswald at the bathroom door, headed to locate a coffee machine in the suite's kitchen. He brought back a mug for each of them, two creams and two sugars each, sitting down next to Oswald on the bed. He thanked him, and they sipped their drinks in comfortable silence.

Sunlight peeked through the window, illuminating Oswald's sleep-deprived face and bed head in a soft orange glow. It felt rather intimate, seeing him like this - stripped of his makeup and expensive clothing, left in nothing but a white t-shirt and pajama pants. He looked so completely _plain_. Shallow wrinkles ran from the corners of his mouth, a detail Ed hadn't noticed before, and he was nearly overwhelmed with the desire to reach out and run his fingers over them.

Oswald must have caught him staring. Their eyes met for a moment before Ed turned away as nonchalantly as he could manage.

“So what next?” Ed asked, pretending that he hadn't just been gazing.

Oswald gave him a puzzled look.

“I mean, we're both fugitives now. Not a single thing worked out last night. I wouldn't be surprised if you've already been imagining all the different ways you'll dispose of Query, Echo, and me-”

Oswald cut him off with a harsh laugh. “Edward, I’m _not,_ ” He rested a hand on Ed's thigh. “You'd be amazed how easy it is to pay off a few crooked cops to keep quiet. We'll be fine.”

“You're not even mad about me drugging you?”

Oswald's face fell for a moment before forcing a smile. “It's been a long night. Let's let bygones be bygones for now, shall we?”

Ed nodded, silently relieved to not be facing Oswald's wrath. He was too exhausted for any more confrontation.

In fact, a quiet morning in with Oswald sounded exactly like what he needed. Oswald’s company was becoming rather addicting again. The need to be around him was insatiable, and Ed remembered why they had agreed to spend so much time apart in the first place. One way or another, this never ended well for either of them - but one more morning couldn't hurt, could it? Especially if it meant helping to bury the images that plagued him from his dream. Ed took a long sip of his coffee, hoping to hide the pained expression he knew he was making. Curse his photographic memory.

“Edward,” Oswald's head was suddenly on his shoulder, big green eyes looking pleadingly up at him. “Be a dear and get me some more coffee, would you?”

Ed combed his fingers through Oswald's hair before pushing his head away. “Of course.”

Oswald thanked him with a smile.

Ed returned to the bed with a fresh cup of coffee and a new ice pack.

“You look like you need this. May I?” He motioned to the current melted ice still strapped to Oswald's leg.

“Be my guest.”

Ed fell to his knees, the plush carpet surprisingly comfortable beneath him. He removed the old ice and took a moment to examine his bandaged ankle, feeling Oswald wince.

“Are you alright?” Ed asked, looking up at Oswald's expression.

“I'm fine. Just a bit sensitive.” Oswald breathed through it. He locked eyes with Ed, and cocked his head to the side.

“You on the other hand,” Oswald held Ed's jaw, swiping his thumb just underneath his bottom lip. He hadn't realized how much it stung. “Are _bleeding_ again.”

Ed scoffed, but didn't pull away. “Just a split lip. The bandage must have come off. Not a big deal.”

“Let me help,” Oswald offered Ed a hand, and pulled him back onto the bed. “I can get a better angle on it than you.”

Ed couldn't argue with logic. He pulled a spare butterfly bandage from the nightstand, and handed it over. Oswald lifted Ed's chin ever so slightly, continuing to hold it in a way that seemed unnecessary - but neither party seemed to mind. He pressed the bandage gently against his skin, securing it in place as Ed grimaced. But the pain quickly subsided, and Oswald licked his own thumb to wipe the excess blood off Ed's chin, like a parent cleaning their child's face.

“You know, my mother used to kiss my injuries better.” Oswald smiled to himself, reminiscing.

“So you told me in your stupor last night.”

“Oh,” He laughed, and cleared his throat. “Yes, I really should apologize for my… _behavior_ last night.”

“You remember all that?”

“I remember enough.”

Oswald ran his palm over Ed's cheek the same way he had the night before. Ed averted his eyes, feeling his neck flush hot.

_This is getting ridiculous, Ed._

“Get some more rest, Oswald. I'll wake you up in an hour or so.” Ed stood, ready to leave as quickly as possible.

Oswald was an affectionate man - towards friends, family, and lovers alike. Ed had always known that. But something about it this morning was leaving the inside of his chest unbearably bitter. Every touch was more painful than the last.

“Ed, stay, please-” Oswald grabbed Ed's wrist. “I just had two cups of coffee. I'm not going back to sleep.”

Ed chuckled as Oswald dragged him back to the bed. “Fair enough.”

The two fell silent. The air was tense, and Ed could tell Oswald had something to say. Ed drummed his fingers on his knee.

“Why do you keep saving me?” Oswald finally spoke up. “From Arkham, from the police, from Batman.”

Ed shot him a confused look. “Do I always have to have an ulterior motive to be nice to you?”

Oswald looked him up and down in a way that made Ed recoil. “No, I suppose not.”

Ed nodded, unsure of what else to say. He could feel Oswald looking at him as he avoided his gaze.

“Wouldn't it have been easier to leave me to die somewhere?”

Oswald was nothing if not persistent.

“You ask a lot of questions.” Ed turned back to face him.

“Says the man who calls himself the Riddler.”

Ed scoffed. “What do you want me to say, Oswald?”

Oswald leaned in closer, running the back of his hand down Ed's arm _far_ too sensually for Ed to focus on anything other than his brain malfunctioning. Oswald's voice dropped.

“Maybe I just want to hear you admit how much you like me.”

“Of course I like you.” Ed attempted a laugh, but it came out as a sharp exhale. “You're my best friend.”  

Ed couldn't tell what Oswald was playing at, and it killed him. People were a puzzle he could always solve - but leave it to Oswald to stump him. Ed looked him over. He had that _look_ in his eye again, the same one from their night drinking together, blown pupils and fluttering eyelashes prettier than they had any right to be. Ed prayed his own face didn't look as red as it felt.

“You mean the world to me, Oswald,” Ed continued, needing to fill the silence. “You know that, don't you?”

Oswald looked up into Ed's face, his previously sultry eyes now welling with tears. Ed was thrown into a moment of panic. _Had he done that?_ Ed was aware he wasn't an ideal emotional support, but he didn't know what else to do.

“Don't cry, please, you'll make me cry.” Ed swiped his thumb over Oswald's cheek, faces so close their noses nearly touched. “This is my fault, let me help-”

Ed was cut off by the press of Oswald's lips against his own, a short and sweet kiss just enough to send Ed's mind racing.

“ _That_ helps.” Oswald whispered with a sigh, eyes smiling through his tears.

" _Oh-_ oh dear," Ed pulled away, touching his lips in shock. His blush was most definitely visible now. "I'm sorry, I- don't think those meds have worn off quite yet."

Ed was pulled into another kiss, deeper this time, fingers combing through his hair.   
  
"I assure you, Edward," Oswald held Ed's face in both hands. "I'm _perfectly_ sober."

He moved in again, and Ed reluctantly returned the press of his own lips. It was unbearably tender, setting his entire body ablaze. Part of him hoped Oswald would speed it up, take him hard against the mattress, leave it as meaningless and unattached as possible, easier to come back from.

But Oswald didn't let that happen. His gentleness was unwavering, even as Ed pawed at him, laying the two of them back on the bed together. Their legs entangled, and he kissed a trail from Ed's jaw down his neck, leaving Ed gasping. He threw his head back on instinct, trying to expose as much skin as possible to Oswald's waiting mouth. He was _noisy_ , high pitched grunts slipping out with every kiss, and Oswald caught on. He laughed through his nose, breath tickling the crook of Ed's neck.

Despite it all, something in his chest still ached.

“Oswald-” Ed gasped, tugging on Oswald's hair. “Oswald, stop.”

Oswald pulled away, face flushed and lips puffy.

“I can't,” Ed continued with no response. “I don't know what you're trying to apologize for, but you don't have to do it like this. Not for me. And Bernard, I wouldn't… want to come between you two.”

A beat between the both of them.

Oswald broke into hysterics.

 _“Bernard?”_ Gaining confidence again, Oswald lay a hand on Ed's waist. “Edward, darling, we are _not_ exclusive. I thought you knew that.”

Ed looked away.

“I'm beginning to believe he only likes me for my money anyways. Can you believe that? Although with an ass like that, I can hardly complain-”  

“ _Okay_ , that's enough!” Now Ed spoke up, tips of his ears burning.

A complacent smile crept its way onto Oswald's face.

“Have you been jealous, Eddie?”

“I go to the trouble to break you out of Arkham, we haven't spoken in a year, and you still insist on spending all your time with that insignificant bartender. Not _jealous_ , just _confused_ , and with good reason.” Ed rambled in defense.

Oswald clearly wasn't paying attention.

“That's _adorable._ ”

Oswald removed Ed's glasses, setting them aside and leaning in for a chaste kiss. And somehow, that got the fire in Ed's stomach burning hotter than anything.

 _You're_ **_adorable!_ **

Ed shut his eyes, breathing a sigh against Oswald's parted lips.

“We can still stop,” Oswald sensed his hesitation, and stroked his hip reassuringly. “If you want to. Tell me what you need, Ed.”

“I don't want to go all the way,” Ed said. “Just… kiss me.”

Yes, that sounded safest. That would be the easiest to come back from, if this was some sort of fluke to blame on sleep deprivation. Someday they could look back and laugh.

At least, Ed hoped they could.

“I think I can do that,” Oswald agreed. He pressed his lips hot against Ed's, the taste of coffee still lingering bitter between them.

Ed moaned hopelessly into Oswald, fingers tangled in his hair. Despite his request to not go any further, his body seemed to have other ideas. He was half hard already, forcing his hips to stay still as they desperately tried to find Oswald. He opted for pressing their bodies closer instead, minding Oswald's leg and holding him as tight against him as he was able to.

Oswald touched the bit of chest visible through Ed's robe, curling his fingers in thin chest hair. Although he was sure it was unintentional, Oswald's thigh pressed firmly into Ed's groin. His hips involuntarily jerked.

“Christ,” Oswald laughed, that endearingly shrill giggle, and ran a hand down Ed's abdomen. “I've hardly even _done_ anything.”

Laying like this, Oswald _had_ to be able to feel how hard Ed was, and he cursed the fact Oswald wasn't faced with the same humiliation. In the compromising position, Ed couldn't even feign disinterest. If Oswald did know, he kindly chose not to mention it.

Oswald's lips returned to Ed's neck, hot, messy kisses pressed along his jugular. Ed buried his face in Oswald's hair, the smell of yesterday's hair gel and cologne still overwhelmingly aromatic. He breathed it in, sighing deeply, the mingling scents filling his head. They were all so distinctly _Oswald_.

“Are you smelling me?” Oswald mumbled into Ed's neck, a grin in his voice.  

“No,” Ed jerked back. “Of course not.”

Oswald snorted, and pressed a kiss to Ed's collarbone. “You're ridiculous.”

“I resent that-” Ed started, trying to gently push Oswald off of him in offense. But Oswald was already rolling him over, planting open mouthed kisses to his throat.

Ed's words faded into soft groans as Oswald's mouth found a _particularly_ erogenous spot near his jaw, drawing his mind blank.

He wrapped his arms around Oswald, their chests pulled flush with each other. A bit of Oswald's shirt rode up in the back, allowing Ed the barest hint of skin. He took the opportunity to slide his fingers underneath, feeling up and along Oswald's spine. Goosebumps appeared on the soft skin beneath his fingertips - just enough indication to let Ed know he was doing something right.

With the new discovery, Ed got cocky now. He slipped just beneath the waistband of Oswald's pajama pants, shamelessly grabbing at his ass. Oswald didn't complain, nosing Ed up to meet his lips, his good leg nudging Ed's thighs apart.

Ed's hand wandered, down the back of Oswald's legs, around to his soft inner thighs, massaging slow circles as Oswald sighed against his mouth. Ed's own breathing picked up, heart hammering loud enough he was sure Oswald could hear it. He persisted, tracing the softest parts of Oswald's legs, along the edges of his boxer briefs, when his fingers brushed against something jarringly wet.

Oswald produced a small, delighted gasp at the contact, grasping at Ed's shoulders.

_Oh, dear._

Perhaps he wasn't alone in his obvious arousal after all.

Oswald cradled Ed's face in his palm, kissing him with a reignited passion. Ed removed himself from Oswald's pajama pants, smoothing down the silky material apologetically. Oswald took the break away as an excuse to remove his shirt, casting it to the foot of the bed.

“Sorry,” He breathed, face flushed a lovely shade of pink. “I know you said no further, I'm… just getting hot.”

“Mm,” Ed kissed his cheek, grinning wildly. “Tell me about it.”

He removed his own robe, throwing it to the growing pile of clothes. Oswald's response was instantaneous, fingers splaying across Ed's chest. He wore nothing but his briefs now, he realized, self consciously trying to cross his legs.

“Green underwear,” Oswald prevented Ed's legs from closing with his knee, looking him up and down. “Cute.”

“Oh, shut up.”

Oswald snorted, holding Ed by the now bare small of his back. It took Ed several minutes to realize they had stopped - stopped kissing, or even trying to touch one another. They lay still in silence, foreheads pressed together, arms wrapped tight around each other under tangled sheets.

The dull ache in Ed's chest had found its way back to him.

Oswald smiled at him, drowsy and full of something too tender for Ed to place. He nuzzled his nose into Ed's, a content sigh escaping his lips. Ed felt his temperature rise despite the simplicity of the gesture. A hand found his ribs, delicately stroking its way down.

_Oh, he was in trouble._

Oswald traced the curves of Ed's waist, landing on his backside. He practically giggled at the startled grunt Ed made, the smug bastard, gracefully catching Ed's lips in his own.

It was Oswald's turn to grope at Ed now, his restraint obvious in how far this was going to go. He settled for running a single finger up the soft inner area of Ed's thighs, over his underwear and against his perineum.

The noise Ed made was _vulgar_.

Oswald responded with a hungry press of his mouth to Ed's throat, rubbing concise circles through the fabric of his boxers.

“Is this alright?” Oswald asked, voice low. Ed nodded frantically.

His head swam, fervor burning between his thighs. It was becoming increasingly apparent Ed couldn't handle continuing on like this. Oswald had found his breaking point.

“Underwear- off. Please.” Ed begged.

Oswald raised an eyebrow dramatically. “Thought you wanted to stay dressed?”

“Yes, well, change of plans.”

Ed was already struggling to pull his underwear down around his gangly legs, kicking them off the bed.

“Fine by me.” Oswald kissed him, rolling Ed over to his back and pushing his thighs apart.  

“You're already hard.” Oswald observed, eyes widening for a moment, as if it hadn't been obvious already.

“I am. How about you?”

Oswald broke his gaze to lean in further, breath hot against Ed's jaw. He took Ed's hand in his own, placing it over his groin.

“ _Unbearably_.”

“Oh- okie dokie-” Ed breathed a nervous chuckle. “Just making sure we're on the same _ah-_ page-”

Oswald wet his fingers in his mouth and teased them around Ed's hole, now free of any clothing restraints. Ed couldn't help but roll his hips upward, desperate for contact. Oswald soothed him with a kiss, continuing his painstakingly gentle preparation.

“Can I just- be honest with you for a minute?” Ed spoke up, only vaguely aware of how far he had his legs spread now.

“Mm?” Oswald stopped, looking up into Ed's face.

“I've never done this before. With a man, I mean- or anyone. I’ve attempted it by myself, but-” As he rambled, the reality of the situation hit him like a truck. “Is it going to hurt?”

“Not if you _relax_."

Ed swallowed thickly, watching Oswald dig through his side table drawer for a bottle of lubricant. He dispensed a generous amount into his palm and let it warm a moment.

“And if you need me to stop for any reason whatsoever, you _will_ let me know.” It wasn't a question. Ed nodded.

Soon Oswald's slicked fingers were pressed against him, not quite inside yet. Ed had been honest when he said he'd only done this by himself - but Oswald felt so different from his own hand. Better. _A thousand times better._ He decided to let Oswald know with a satisfied groan.

“ _Relax_.” Oswald mumbled against him, sharp nose buried in the hollow of Ed's throat.

Ed obeyed, taking a deep breath as Oswald slowly pushed inside him.

It was uncomfortable only for a moment. Eliciting a surprised gasp from Ed, the discomfort soon faded to something on the edge of pleasurable. Oswald nudged him into an open mouthed kiss, helping to ease the pain.

It took several minutes before Oswald's fingers began to move, making sure Ed was in no pain before pushing a second finger in slowly and curling inside him. He lay a slack palm against the edge of Ed's cock, just enough for him to rut up against.

Ed moaned, back arching, as Oswald hit a sweet spot inside of him. He seemed to be well-versed in this, Ed was grateful that at least one of them was.

“You're doing very well.” Oswald whispered, wrapping his fingers around Ed's length just for a moment. Ed thrust into it, quick and desperate, but the relief was gone as suddenly as it had appeared.

“ _Oswald_ ,” Ed whined through clenched teeth. “You're teasing me.”

Oswald laughed through his nose, pecking the corner of Ed's mouth.

“You make it all too easy.”

Ed tried to quip back, but those fingers felt _far_ too good moving inside him, long strokes drawing out noises Ed didn't know he was capable of making. It was relatively humiliating, but this was Oswald, wasn't it? In ten years, they'd seen each other in far worse states - and the longing look on Oswald's face told him he certainly didn't mind.

Ed grabbed at Oswald's elbow, desperate for something to cling to the further his mind went numb. He was close already, even with Oswald's fingers barely wrapped around him, years of unspoken wanting and waiting building up to release.

“Oswald,” Ed groaned. “Stop, I'm about to finish.”

“So soon?” A hint of disappointment crossed Oswald's face.  

Ed gently pulled Oswald out from inside him, passing him a handkerchief from the bedside table. He sat up, missing the feeling of fullness, but determined to return the favor now.

“Indulge me a minute, would you?”

Before Oswald could ask what he meant, Ed was sliding to the foot of the bed, spreading Oswald's legs with careful mind to his injury. He leaned down, lowering his chest to the bed, pressing his parted lips to the inside of Oswald's thigh. It was an uncomfortable position, given his height - but with the lovely, sharp gasp it had evoked from Oswald, he found it easy to ignore.

Oswald had gone strangely silent, but the pressing of his hips let Ed know what he needed. He pulled Oswald's underwear down and off, circling a thumb around his erection.

His mouth was _watering_.

Ed's mouth found Oswald's thighs first, nipping with just enough pressure to make Oswald writhe, then soothing the area with a press of his tongue. He left trails of kisses, if for no other reason than to let Oswald know how much he was enjoying himself. Oswald was gorgeous like this, sprawled out and shaking, fingers tangled in Ed's hair.

But Oswald seemed to be growing tired of waiting, and frankly, Ed didn't blame him. Brushing a few stray dark hairs out of the way, Ed dove in, eagerly pressing his tongue to the splayed heat.

Oswald breathed a sigh of relief at the contact, relaxing his grip on Ed's curls. His hips began to move in rhythm with Ed's sliding mouth, good leg trying to wrap around his back.

Oswald was _wet,_ Ed realized, even more than he had been earlier. All the more encouraging, he thought, delving his tongue in and around Oswald's entrance, licking a slow trail up to his cock.

“ _Fuck,_ ” Oswald's hips jerked, forcing Ed's face in deeper. “You… are _very_ good at this.”

Ed raised his head, wetting his bottom lip. “You expected anything less?”  

Oswald rolled his eyes fondly, pushing Ed back down and brushing his bangs from his eyes.

“Shut up and suck my dick, would you?

Ed grinned.

“Yes _sir.”_

Ed got back to work, raking his nails along Oswald's thighs and pushing his tongue hard against his entrance. Oswald whined above him, hips searching for something deeper.

Ed lifted his head, wetting his fingers with an exaggerated lick and making sure to maintain eye contact with Oswald. The wide-eyed look on his face was all Ed needed.

Ed began with one finger pressed inside Oswald, drawing out a lovely, appreciative noise. It egged him on further, holding the back of Oswald's head to lift him into a kiss, a second finger being carefully added. Oswald moaned into it, and Ed responded with a curl of his fingers, slow thrusts and the feeling of pulsing around him.

Oswald was the first to break away.

“Mouth- please.”

Ed smiled, pecking Oswald on the lips one more time in acknowledgement before sliding down the bed. He took Oswald tenderly in his mouth, circling his tongue in calculated strokes. Ed looked up into Oswald's face through hooded eyes, hoping to watch his reactions - but Oswald had beat him to it.

Oswald was watching and _smiling_ at him, lovingly tracing the pad of his thumb just along Ed's cheekbone. Ed responded to the encouragement with a third finger, curling tight inside him. Oswald's expression broke, and he pressed Ed's face down, holding him in place and forcing him to breathe through his nose.

It was awkward and wonderful all at once, swirling his tongue in a way that made Oswald rut his hips up against Ed's face. Then Oswald was reaching out to Ed, hand outstretched, a silent request. Ed reached back, lacing their fingers together. Oswald squeezed.

Ed smiled, humming against Oswald as his face was forced back down again. He was close now, Ed could tell, from the squeezing of his hand to how tight he was becoming.

Ed pressed his tongue flat to Oswald's erection, letting him grind against it at his own pace. His fingers scissored and curled, stroking him from the inside, making use of their length.

Oswald's body jerked, gripping Ed's hand so tight he thought it might break.

“ _Fuck, Ed-_ ”

And then he was coming, whining high-pitched whimpers and spasming around Ed's fingers. He held Ed down firmly in place till he rode out his orgasm, and Ed continued to lap at him till he knew he was finished.

Ed sat up when Oswald loosened his grip, wiping a string of drool from his chin. He watched Oswald come down a moment, waiting till his eyes opened fully to say anything.

“Well, that was fast.”

“Don't say a _word_ ,” Oswald managed through labored breaths, lifting his good leg to kick at Ed's face.

“No judgement,” Ed caught him by the calf, pressing a kiss to his ankle with a cheeky grin. “Always happy to be of service.”

“Fuck you,” Oswald laughed, taking Ed by the hand and helping him back up the bed. Ed lay facing him, pressing their foreheads together and watching him blink drowsily.

Their mouths returned to one another, but were met with nothing but an awkward clicking of teeth. Ed pulled back to see Oswald giggling, high on endorphins and lack of oxygen. Apparently, neither of them could stop smiling long enough to kiss properly. _Go figure._

“Come here,” Oswald dragged Ed’s body in closer, unashamedly using his ass as leverage. Ed yelped in surprise, holding onto Oswald's shoulders and wondering how someone so much smaller could move him so easily.

“You know,” Ed rolled his hips in suggestion. “Only _one_ of us actually finished.”

Oswald's lips quirked into a worrying smile.

Without warning, he licked the palm of his hand obscenely and wrapped it around the base of Ed's cock. His grip was firm now, a welcome change from earlier, and Ed _writhed_.

“You only had to ask,” Oswald teased him, swiping his thumb over Ed's slit, spreading precome over the sensitive head of his cock.

“ _Oh-_ oh my,” Ed could only stammer, clinging to Oswald like his life depended on it. “That's good, that's- very, _very,_ good-”

Oswald silenced him with a kiss, his lips sliding hot against Ed's slack ones. He continued pumping Ed in time with their mouths, setting his body alight.

Ed's stomach grew tight with heat, Oswald experimenting with a gentle bite to his neck, and it was too much, _far_ , far too much. He buried his face in Oswald's shoulder, pulling him into a tight hug, low groans in his throat. Oswald ran a hand through his hair, pressed a kiss to his temple - and that was enough.

Ed came, mouth agape against Oswald's bare skin, holding each other in an embrace. They lay like that till Ed came down, feeling both their hearts steady in time with each other.

“You told _me_ I finished fast,” Oswald breathed.

Ed huffed, still in a state of bliss and shock.

“Well, I don't know about you,” Oswald continued softly, playing with Ed's hair. “But that was lovely.”

Ed nodded, sighing, an overwhelming _something_ bubbling up in his chest as he listened to Oswald. It overtook him, pricking the corners of his eyes with tears. They lay together for what felt like eons.

“Do you still believe in fate, Edward?” Oswald finally spoke again, voice vulnerable, urging Ed to sit up. “I didn't. For years, I didn't, but… here we are _again_ , aren't we?”

Ed tried to laugh, but a sob caught in his throat. They were sitting now, avoiding each other's gaze like it might be too much. Ed replaced his glasses, a tear managing to fall from the corner of his eye.

“Yes,” He exhaled, breath wavering. “Fate.”

Always bringing them back together, whether they wanted it to or not. And there Ed sat with Oswald - his best friend, his enemy, his soulmate - but it was different now. A weight had been lifted.

“Ed?” Oswald must have noticed the crack in Ed's voice as he spoke. He took Ed's face in his hand, turning it to face him. “Don’t tell me _you're_ crying now.”

Ed averted his eyes.

“Don’t _laugh_.”

“I never pegged you as a romantic beneath all that ego, Mr. Nygma,” Oswald teased, tracing the bandage on Ed's lip with his thumb.

Ed kissed it, trailing down his palm and to his wrist, almost apologetically. Oswald stopped him, lacing their fingers together.

“Let's get dressed.”

Ed helped Oswald out of bed, coming down from his fit of emotion, and found them both suitable outfits. He looked to the clock. Midday already.

“Facing Query and Echo this afternoon should be interesting,” Ed scoffed, tightening his belt. “Seeing us walk out of the same bedroom. I'll never hear the end of it.”

Oswald turned to him, shirt half buttoned. “Do you mind?”

“No,” Ed cocked his head, considering the question. “No, I suppose I don't.”

“Good,” Oswald nodded. “Me either.”

They dressed, and Ed caught a glimpse of Oswald from the corner of his eye - wearing nothing but his dress shirt and sock garters, massaging his knee. Ed's face burned, quickly turning away, affecting him like they hadn't both been naked minutes earlier. Oswald noticed, and he smiled warmly to himself. Ed's heart fluttered.

 _You're in deep, Eddie_.

He passed Oswald a tie, their hands lingering a moment longer than intended.

"What now, then?" Ed asked, still drunk on the afterglow and feeling rather stupid. "If this is going to be a… permanent partnership. You'll have to start getting along with Query and Echo, you know.”  

"Well," Oswald turned to him, tossing a suit jacket into his arms. "I was thinking we begin with brunch."

 


End file.
